PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

It's taken me 15 years

to truly understand

the pain I caused you.

Now my tears aren't for things lost

but for how I shaped you into someone 

who looks over his shoulder

for heartbreak at every corner.

I wish I was someone different back then;

I wish I had appreciated good things

instead of squandering them.

I didn't know what I had,

and now reflecting on fading memories

I wonder if I was even happy.

I probably was at times,

but then I remember 

the poor opinion I had of myself

and all of the joyful times evaporate.

You were my first a-lot-of-things

and maybe that's why

letting go was especially hard.

Going from having my first hand-to-hold

to nothing-to-reach-for for years

as I staggered through dozens

of almost lovers and casual flings. 

I was stuck in my head

all those five months

expecting rather than relishing.

I was waiting for the other shoe to drop-

I just didn't think it would be me 

to fling it across the room.

Since then I never thought

another guy would like me,

let alone, love me, until forever

and for a decade it was true.

And then somehow, 

at my absolute worst moment,

God sent me a miracle

that changed my life.

Suddenly all of my dating history

fell into line as I pondered how

each stepping/stumbling stone got me here

and how you were the first.