Friends With Benefits

Folder: 
Dedications

It's been a little over a month since I got rejected for what feels like the millionth time. My heart, this fragile thing, has all about given up on love. It doesn't hurt because I saw forever with this person but because I don't see why he couldn't see forever in me. That was the reason he broke up with me. It's been nearly impossible to stop thinking about the whole situation. So I took matters into my own hands and tried to find someone to take my mind off him. Funny enough I had used him to take my mind off the last one. And the cycle goes back since the beginning of my dating history. Every relationship is a rebound. God, I never thought about it like that. Well, it worked. I found someone to think about in place of him. But I know how much I fail at relationships so I have no intention of seriously dating this guy. We've thrown around the idea of being "friends with benefits" and I must admit that sounds great. You get a friend and have some fun without the emotional strings that complicate everything. But the more I think about the more it sounds absolutely disastrous. Me not have my feelings involved and possibly hurt? That is impossible. I am the most sensitive person I have ever met. I blow every even remotely negative word or action out of proportion. How could I possibly think that I could carry on an arrangement like this and not be destroyed when it ends without my permission? It's ludacrious. I know that the end of the day I am desperate for connection. For someone to listen to me. Someone to care about me. It's so elementary but it couldn't be more accurate.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

T.M.

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Starward's picture

In reading this, I have come

In reading this, I have come up with what might sound like a contrary thought, but I would like to submit it to you, because of my admiration for your poems, and I can certainly feel your pain and disappointment through your well deployed words.  (And I may steal a word or two from Pontius Pilate's speech to Ben-Hur after the charior race in the film of that name.)  You have heard the old saying, "It is lonely at the top."  Wherever there is greatness (here I begin to steal from Pilate's speech, and then adjust it), there is also the possibility of great loneliness or great isolation.  You said you are the most sensitive person you know.  Some people would call that a weakness; I call it a strength.  We, as human beings, do evolve, over generations, psycholocially and emotionally; and a good record of this is in our poetry.  I think you are one of those rare people (and I have only known a couple of them; my wife is one) whose emotions are far more advanced (or, if you will, more highly evolved) than the great mass of people, or, as the Greeks called them, the Hoi Polloi.  A person standing on a high mountain peak can see a fantastic landscape, and, at the same time, can see the terrible and fatal drop if a fall happened.  These two aspects cannot be separated.  The peak is the more advanced, more highly evolved, emotions.  Let me take another metaphor, since you are the Metaphorist.  When the piano was invented, it was a kind of ornament, only, to the classical orchestra.  Beethoven was even highly criticized for adding a piano part in one of his symphonies.  But, after over a century of evolution, Chopin came through and wrote what was then, and I personally think still is, the most exquisite, more advanced and most efficient musical scores to bring out every possible nuance the piano can provide.  And yes, he was absolutely alone; some people even thought he was a freak.  (Even his own love, Aurore Dupin, who wrote novels under the name George Sand, did not understand him as well as she bragged that she did).  I am not sure I believe in evolution as the Darwinists teach it (being a Christian, myself, i prefer another explanation), but, using that again as a metaphor, the first Homo Sapiens, standing among a tribe of Cro Magnons, probably felt lonely, disappointed, rejected---the whole spectrrum of emotions you have described above.  But it is not negative at all, within the terms of that metaphor.  It is, in fact, a great leap forward (to borrow a phrase from the Chinese Communist Party) and it leaves a lot of debris behind.  You are the most sensitive person you know!  Rejoice in it, because you may very well be an early example of what our emotions will be like in three or four hundred years.  People fail you, they have failed you, and they will, alas, continue to fail you . . . not because of who you are, but because of who and what they are not.  If (my next metaphor is ready to launch), say, your emotions, just as they are, are the equivalent of a PhD, in whatever subject, the people you have described, who have hurt you, are remedial seventh graders trying to figure out bonehead English.  If you shift your perspective, that those who hurt you are, in fact, not your equals and not capable of better, the emotion of your pain will have a better context.  Because you are an advanced person, you have a higher level of expectation and, therefore, a greater possibility of have that expectation frustrated.  But when you meet another advanced person, those frustrations will be quickly forgotten.  I hope I have not been offensive in offering this perspective.  My motive is certainly honest, although my language is, admittedly, clumsy.


Starward

metaphorist's picture

Thank you for taking the time

Thank you for taking the time to write this response. I appreciate your point-of-view and find myself agreeing with it. I would hope my sensitivity means that I am more attuned to human emotion than the average person. Your comments were not offensive at all.

Starward's picture

Thank you for the response,

Thank you for the response, and I am glad my candor did not offend you.  Of course you are more attunded to human emotion than the average person.  You are lifting your eyes to the stars, while the rest of us are sifting beachsand for seashells.  Of course most of us are going to disappoint you.


Starward