I Miss You

Folder: 
Dedications

Nearly exactly a year ago since I declared my feelings to you. So much has changed. Now you are married and expecting your first child. I can't believe how different things are now. I don't know you anymore like I did when you occupied the space right next to me. For over a year I got to know you and while you were incredibly awkward, I fell in love with your soul. I loved to laugh at your jokes and I always felt comfortable around you. I told you about my virginity on our business trip together and I think because of this you had this different image of who I was than was factual. So on Valentine's Day 2017, I set the record straight. You were shocked and reciprocated my feelings for you but we knew that we couldn't act on our feelings for the sake of our jobs. So we flirted as innocently as possible. Then you moved on and I tried to as well. But looking at your life now, it's so uncanny how similar it is to what I had envisioned for my life. You are having a baby girl and naming her what I would have named her. It's so ironic. I'm happy for you if you are happy even though a year ago, this isn't what you wanted at all so sometimes I wonder. But it's the bed you made so I guess you feel like this is the right path whether or not it's the preferred path. You asked me how I was the other day for the first time in forever. You caught me off-guard so I lied and said that I was fine. It brought back memories of our last heart-to-heart and how you looked at me as I cried and called me beautiful and said that I would find someone. I miss those conversations. I miss having hope in the future. I miss our relationship how it was when it ended before it began. I miss you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

JJ

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Starward's picture

You describe the experience

You describe the experience in such poignant, yet utterly candid terms, that this poem is very difficult to read.  In fact, it is beautiful for its gut-wrenching account, but, and this is meant as a compliment to its power, I do not think I will want to re-read it again for a long time.  This poem is am avalanche of emotion, and I can hardly walk through an inch of snow, at my age, let alone get caught beneath an avalanche.  So I will move on.  I applaud your poetry, and the greatness of your achievement on postpoems.


Starward

 

metaphorist's picture

Thank you so much for

Thank you so much for reading!