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Alone Now
My feelings are mixed. Eagerness, fear, sorrow, anger, and a slight now-and-then wave of joy. But right now, I feel no joy. Only guilty fear and angered sorrow. But this expression of words on paper seems to ease my moods slightly.
In my mind's eye, I see me wandering, hurrying from one place to another only to sit in a desk for an hour. And afterwards, rush to my locker and my next class.
In my mind's imaginative eye, I see me wandering between realms, times,dimensions, and planets. Searching, helping, seeing - with a cold heart and a closed mind - that which my lonelyness cannot find. My cold heart incinerates my love and friendships. It keeps me suspicious of all those around me. Weary of their kindness. My closed mind blinds me from that which I search for but cannot seem to find. A love. A friend. A familiar spirit. Someone much like myself.
I hope to find my place, my purpose, my meaning.
Slowly the pieces will fit together. Slowly I will figure things out. But even then, I dare not cease my search for that which I hope for, search for, but cannot find.
For I am alone now. A mere shadow within a sea of darkness. A traveler in unfamiliar lands.
For I am a spirit searching for rest. A child lost in a forest. A wolf pup seperated from her family.
For I am alone now. And alone I remain. Because a wandering life is a life lonely lived.
