You Always Loved Her

I knew you loved her

Or why would you care

Enough to be angry,

For tempers not to dissipate

But to roil and flare.

Whether we shared anything special

Between us matters not,

Clearly you needed her to need you

More than I could have thought.

I never knew anyone as much as you

In only four weeks

Only to wake up to learn

It wasn't ever true.

I never so much as replaced her,

A temporary stand-in to receive

Your undying love

That's all I was those days

Naught but symbolic,

In her absence, a turtledove.

The stars shined brigter

The night we were first mistaken,

I have slumbered well since then

Until you ebbed and I awakened.

The songs we shared,

Serendipitous they seemed,

Same as the kisses you loaned

Were then in her redeemed.

You always loved her

Discarding pictures from your wallet

Was a guise

So you could forget her for a while

Until you next in rapture locked eyes.

It was painful separation,

At least I did my part to dull the ache,

While retaining a part of my heart

Lest in your desparate vice grip

It would break.

Her heart was molded to your hand,

It could withstand the wear and tear,

Succumbing to your bitterness,

She was as high to heaven

As a martyr's final prayer.

At last I took your departing blow

As naught but an "I have to go,

Enjoyed my stay,

(So I'll let you believe)

Now I'm back on my way

My only love awaits my reprieve."

It is so strange to feel this way,

Neither hating you,

Nor enduring heartache from

Our fruitless foray

Since you've gone back

Into love's open arms

All prior loves were false alarms,

I've had my lot of rash attempts

Knowing there will be none

As good to me as you

In this game from which

I will not be exempt.

Was it love I was looking for

Or just a playful jaunt?

If I had never walked into your life

Would you be the one who got away

And to me will ever haunt?

I'm not nearly as selective

And of my dignity hardly protective,

I think I just want the rush,

But all must end in this

Charade we twist and bend,

And desire will seldom with fate

More than brush.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written December 17, 2004

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