Hold Out Your Hand

When I was little I used to chant
“Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hurt me”
Right there along with the rest of the kids.


I thought it would help me later in life.

It was saying that every word would roll off me,
And that unless someone threw a punch,
I would make it through any bullying that
I might have to face.


At that point I had never faced bullying.


And as I got older the taunts started.
But nothing I couldn’t let roll off me,
Because whatever, I would find people I
Would be friends with forever.


People who would listen and love me,
Who wouldn’t tell me I was fat every second,
Who wouldn’t look at me like I kicked puppies,
Who didn’t cringe when I laughed too loud.


And I did. I found the most amazing people,
Who were just as alone when surrounded as I had been.


And then I hit High School.
And my favorite class,
I was surrounded,
But ignored.


Every word I spoke was ignored,
I stopped responding to my name,
Because there was another girl,
Who shared it.


And she was talked to all the time,
But me?
I was alone.

And my new chant?

“Am I alive? Am I alive?
I am alive, I am alive, I am alive.
I exist, I exist, I exist.”


I didn’t believe it.
Not for a second.
I wasn’t wanted,
Wasn’t needed.


I lost myself,
I didn’t know who I was,
As soon as I walked into the class,
Until I walked out,
I questioned my very existence.


My teacher told me that I needed to try and make friends,
To come out of my shell,
That he was sure I would get along with them.
He wasn’t sitting in my seat.


I had friends, I had lots of them,
I had friends that were in eighty different cliques,
They were there,
Convinced me I was alive and I was needed.


But in this class,
It wasn’t that the girls were mean,
Or ‘too cool for me.’
Don’t get me wrong.

They are wonderful people,
I assure you.

But I bet they would tell you,
That they don’t remember me.


Because I wasn’t one of them,
I wasn’t pretty or rich,
I wasn’t good in school,
Or athletic.


They didn’t understand,
Why words meant so much,
Or why I would cry in class,
Because no one ever asked.


And I know I had it pretty easy,
No one was outwardly mean,
That no one threw punches,
I wasn’t called names.


But have you ever been ignored,
Every day for a year,
Have you?

Because if you have, I want you to know.

That you are amazing,
And don’t let them convince you that you are nothing,
That your every heartbeat is pointless,
Don’t let them drag you down like I let them.


Remember that you exist,
That your favorite color is just as important,
As the fact that your shoes are new.
That you are more that what their silence suggests.


And I want you all,
Who haven’t been through this,
Through the bullying,
Or if you are the bully.

That don’t ever believe that,
Don’t ever chant that chant again,
Don’t believe for a second that a broken bone hurts more,
Than the names or the silence.


I am not the spokesman for the broken,
For the bullied or for the silenced,
But let me tell you,
If you watch it happen and don’t help,
You are assisting the bully just as much as if you were,


I am stronger,
But silence bothers me,
I can’t stand to see someone sitting by themselves,
They deserve to be surrounded by laughing friends who love them.


If you see someone alone,
Ask them,
Do they want a friend.


Do not assume that they are nothing,
That they are better off without you,
I can’t imagine what I would have done,
If one of the girls had held out her hand,
And invited me to talk.


Be the one who holds out their hand,
It might save a falling person,
Someone who, like me,
Who wanted death over this silence,
Who was willing to do it at their own hand.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

True story

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DesertDreamer's picture

I've read this

I've read this again.



and again.



I cry every god damn time. Because that silence really hurts.

~~We can fade away together one dream at a time.~~

DesertDreamer's picture

Biased opinions

I know this is biased coming from your girlfriend.......but that was bloody fucking amazing! If only I could ever write something like that. This should be read by everyone. Everyone.

~~We can fade away together one dream at a time.~~