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mama
my students mother died too
but she was only 9
she says she doesn't remember her very much
would she be proud?
what would she think about me being gay?
I answer her in the ways I can
my student says she thinks about dying
so she can be with her mother again and I say
baby
my love,
my world,
you are with your mother in life,
in life so much more than in death
the love you gave to me in my life will never be replaced
and in my heart will always be a hole
where your presence should be
we know
you will never be at our weddings
you will never hold your grandchildren
you will never be there when our lovers mistreat us,
our hearts break,
our backs break,
we get sick
you will never hold our hands,
put cool cloths on our foreheads
or sit on the couch and watch TV with us
you are dead, and we miss you so much
and we need you so much
the love you gave to me can never be replaced because
your love was bigger than my entire life
i never have to question its authenticity
i never have to doubt myself when i say it
and this is something that can never be taken away
by time
by you being dead
i know you would be proud of me
i tell my student about how you loved me
how you scheduled my plane tickets home
how you cooked and cleaned for me everyday
how you wrote me letters of encouragement
and gave me massages and listened to me
you were selfless and giving and when you died
part of you came to me and revived me from the sleep i had been living
today, i touch their shoulders and tell them how much i love seeing them
all 115 of them, everyday, no matter what
they can curse at me
they can be angry that i ripped up the cards they were playing during class
they can be lazy, they can be mean
but i will still love them
and hope for them
you might be dead, you might be somewhere floating,
but i know this is what you would want for me
you are inside of me and speaking through me because we are each other
and i will never lose that
i will never let someone hurt me
i will never forget the lessons you taught me,
though i didn't understand then
i love you
everything i do i do for you
you have given me more strength than you will ever know
hello juliothegreat
this is a beautiful tribute to your mother. i love how you wrote, " in my heart will always be a hole
where your presence should be". i am very familiar with that gaping hole, but can also say that what we gain in spirit from the loss of a parent is priceless, as is evident in this poem. it never ceases to amaze me how the love a mother leaves behind molds you without even their presence. the gift of giving birth is indeed a priveledge. i grew up with the best stepmother a child could ask for, and although she was my best friend through so many many things, and greatly contributed to who i am today, the heart and soul of me will never be changed from the love i was given by my birth mother. thanks for writing such a beautiful poem. i really enjoyed this. :-)
...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."
"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "