Who says men don’t know how to cook?  Who says the kitchen is a woman’s place?

This is a myth I’d like to expunge, a fantasy I’d like to erase.


I’ve done my share of cooking over the years although Deborah has done the most

And I can hold my own in the kitchen if you’ll permit me this one little boast.


I may not be the best cook but there’s one thing for which I do strive

My goal beside a creating a good meal is simply to get out alive.


For cooking has its share of pitfalls, any good cook knows this is true.

With this in mind from my years of experience I offer some tips now to you.


When cooking in the kitchen there are two things you must learn

The first is make sure you turn on the oven...and the second is not to get burned.


Wait...before you ridicule or dismiss this little gem, before you belittle or scoff

I failed to mention if you turn on the oven...don’t forget to turn it back off. 


I learned early on it’s OK to make a mess on the counters the floor and the walls

But I also learned from experience that too much flour on the floor makes you fall.


Knives are sharp and if you’re not careful can cut you so in my kitchen I have found

It’s a good idea not to watch TV while you cut...and to keep a box of bandaids around.


Oh yea and no matter what you are cutting think safety first wether together or alone

And never give the smallest grandchild in the house the biggest knife that you own.


And no matter how creative a cook you might be, no matter how sly or how cunning

It’s not a good idea to put your hand inside while the darn disposal is still running.


If you put water on to boil then leave the kitchen and become preoccupied 

When you smell the burn and see the smoke...chances are your pan will be fried.


Did you know if you open the freezer, and this is a pain I’ve more than once felt

If you forget to close it and leave it open overnight everything inside it will melt?


Speaking of refrigerators here’s a great tip from me that you may now glean

Never cook with anything from the crisper if it’s moving or fuzzy or green.


And finally if you’re storing your bread in the oven perhaps then 911 you may require

Because if you preheat the oven without looking chances are good you’ll be starting a fire.


Yes if you follow these simple and easy steps I guarantee as a cook you will thrive

Your food may taste horrible but remember the key to cooking is to get out alive.

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