Chapter 1

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She sat strait up in her bed, sweat running down her cheeks, the echos of her screams still in the air. Glancing over at the clock, she groaned slightly seeing the red glowing 3:45 AM. She had the same that damn nightmare for the 6th time this week and was sick of losing sleep over it. Amanda sat up and walk downstairs to kitchen to geting something to eat, mabey it would help to calm her nerves aswell. As she walked down the stairs the visions of the dream began to come back to her. The blackness, the falling, the blood everywhere. She shivered slightly as her bare feet touched the cold tile floor. Everything was going so wrong for her, she has lost her job and was doing horrible in school, everything seemed to only be getting worse by the minute. She got her drink and headed upstairs when she something outside, he heart began to race, "could it be a robber?" she thought. She quickly dressed and head outside. The moon was full and ripe tonight, lighting her backyard up fully. He quietly and gracefuly walked threw the yard, the moon light reflecting off her pale skin.A loud crash from behind her forced her to turn, noticing a trash can laying on the ground, and a raccoon go scurrying into the  bushes. She growled slightly to herself and walked back inside. She began making her breakfast, hoping to leave the house befor her parents woke up to give her, her morning speach. She finished eating and grabed her bag, darting out the door as she heard her mother starting to come down the stairs.

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Tirynos's picture

You need dialogue. Life does not exist without dialogue. You can do much better, you know you can. You have to show us the dream, not just tell us about it. I want to know about this dream, in fact, make it a whole 'scene' (for lack of a better term) into itself. You need to work on description as well.

Jenny Pearson's picture

Well, I must say, very interesting. Great way to start this. It grabs your attention from the first lines and you can't wait to go on. Very good, Matt.