Thoughts from the Patient Tormentor

Thoughts From the Patient Tormentor

A peek into mental illness

If this happens to be my final opportunity, please allow me to regale you with my perspective on this ongoing struggle.

This lust, for lack of a better word, to permanently unleash this mind’s monster consumes me.

I am the patient tormentor and I’m here. I’m always here.

The Guardian of Sanity continues to battle me with its strong and dutiful pharmaceutical sentries.

But let it be known – I am the patient tormentor and I am here. I am always here.

Life is my fickle and somewhat reluctant ally; sometimes working for me, sometimes not. When Life is distracting and chaotic, the Guardian is pulled in opposing directions resulting in a dramatic shift in efficiency of the sentries.

The Guardian is pathetically predictable and eventually, the sentries will abandon their posts.

I am the patient tormentor and I am here. I am always here. I am jubilant in my mastery to advance my nefarious agenda.

With the sentries rendered impotent, I must only trounce the Will (which I must say is incredibly languid and easily overcome).

Then and only then Can I finally revel in my repugnant splendor.

My minions barrage the Guardian with my dark motives.

Oh, how I frolic, draped in the Guardian’s torments. It is monumentally euphoric.

It is Nirvana

I am free to reach into its pit of irrationality, delusions, and depression where I quench my depraved thirst.

I rejoice in my malevolence as I watch the Guardian soaked in humiliation and self –pity. The feeling is almost tangible.

It pays to be the patient tormentor.

Oh, but the mercurial tide turns and the Guardian is strong and obnoxiously resilient and resourceful. It has the revolting ability to procure those stronger, loathsome pharmaceutical mercenaries. It is my Achilles heel.

They surround and subdue me. I cannot make anymore moves in this insane game of wills.

I am forced back into the inky crevaces of the Guardian’s bastille. There I am incapable of wreaking my marvelous havoc.

But I dream.

I scheme.

I am the patient tormentor.

I am here. I am always here.

Be warned Guardian, for I will greedily gobble any foible or fumble.

I wait for Life to step in again.

I wait for the chance to sneak and slither – to skillfully trespass into the Guardian’s domain.

So, my worthy adversary and nemesis, you would be wise to take heed, beware, and keep on your toes. This struggle will continue, and I will grant no quarter.

I am the patient tormentor and I am here.

I am always here.