A Day on the Links

I have been playing golf for nigh on 30 years

Let me tell you of this sport after a few beers.

A typical day out on the links

Isn’t necessarily calming as one might think.

Come along with me as I play around,

And you may decide a better sport could be found.

On a typical day I start on the 1st hole

And hit my longest drive ever into a mole hole.

Not yet perplexed I take a drop

And shank my next into the water plop.

I now lie three, a hundred and fifty from the green

Hit a five iron 50 yards and nearly rupture my spleen.

I pitch and run a 7 iron, avoiding a trap,

Leaving me a putt that is off the map.

Completing this hole, it is on to the next,

I am loose now, just a little vexed.

Teeing off on number two,  a few minutes later,

Landed me 50 yards from the hole next to an alligator.

Take a drop and lose a stroke

Or play it where it lies…and hope?

Got out of that one without much harm,

But as I walk on the green I find a mosquito swarm.

I run back to the cart to get the OFF,

Inhaling mosquitoes, as I go, makes me cough.

I spray over the sunscreen to shoo off the bug faction

Only to have it start a chemical reaction.

The paramedics are quick to arrive

Washing me with calamine lotion to cover the hives.

They give me a lift back to my car,

I thank them, then head back to the bar.

Everyone gives a wide berth to this guy in pink,

But it is to love golf…you think?

Tomorrow is another day

And I can hardly wait to play.

Maybe I will actually finish a round

If not on the course in the bar knocking them down.

Well it is time to go, the sun is starting to set

So it is home to loving wife I must get.

Come the morn I will be ready to play

Cause golf is better than work any day.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

To all the hackers. Special thanks to Lisa Lazan for the idea.

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Ernest Bevans's picture

Limerick for my Friend Ferrel
('cause his poem made me, laugh)

There was a gentleman it seem
looking for somthing obsene
so he took up a sport
outside the basket ball court
where a fella chase his balls on the green.

Pleasant day to you Ferrel and thank you for comment
on my poems.