If I don't get some black sludge the precise moment

I open my peepers

I am one miserable excuse for a human.

And if I don't smell some,

I will search until I find that hummungo can,

While still in my sleepers,

The addicting aroma of my favourite scent

That smells like God's own brand.

I must jolt dead grey cells with the power of caffeine,

Or no sentences will flow.

The cats look so comfy there in my unmade bed.

I want to crawl back in.

Where is my cracked cup filled with wise thoughts for the head,

Like "Life Sucks" and "Luv's Dead"?

If that mud - cooker doesn't soon bubble and whine,

Back to sleep I will go.

So get out of the way if you don't have a java,

I am coming right through.

Don't look at me yet, or I'll give you such big pokes!


Ah, finally a cup of my favourite lava.

No cow please. I warned ya!!!

Civil and awake after one cup and two smokes.

Decaf? No, not for me!!!


Amy Riberdy

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A good laugh is always healthy, especially when we laugh at ourselves

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Karyn Indursky's picture

This could easily be a commercial on television, a comic ad in the newspaper, a special feature in the newspaper, etc. It's absolutely fabulous! It's reality with a twist of humor. I love it.

Meaghan Pitman's picture

*chuckle* He he, nice portrayal of the caffeine addict. I cannot relate, but I'm sure other people can. Thank you for the laughs.

Michael Rehling's picture

LOL... Loved this one... SOOO true... Mike

robertpaullocke's picture

this is a great poem that talks about my best drug. Caffeine. you take it in coffee and I take it in coke or tea.

pkpbc1950's picture

Hi Amy, This is great! You so perfectly describe my every morning! I absolutely hate getting out of bed, and without my coffee, I really don't think I could do it. Cute poem!!! Tricia

Mona Omar's picture

amy i like your coffee poem did you try turkish coffee ? before or coffee with chocolate try them and tell me if you like them i luv coffee :)

Carla Mobley's picture

I hear you! May you never be out of the sludge!

Walter Bjorkman's picture

Amy, Well I can certainly relate - for cafe cubano bliss go to: I loved this, you tell it well - there have been days I've called in to work because there was no coffee in the house! Walter

Rae Deslich's picture

Hilarious! As an espresso addict and smoker, I highly relate. Mmmm, unhealthy habits. *smile* About the poem my opinion, the rhyme scheme doesn't work; the rhymes are too far apart to sound "together"- it actually took me a second reading before I realized that the "pokes" in the second-to-last verse was meant to correspond with "smokes" in the last paragraph. And yet, there are still lines where it's obvious you had to do some grammatical switching-around to make a rhyme. I personally think it would sound better if you took out the rhymes and relied on the rhythym; without the constraint of the rhymes you have more freedom to use the words and line structure that sound best for that particular point in the poem. I think it would sound very good in free verse; most of the best rants I know of (even Denis Leary's, another coffee/cig addict) are all in free verse. Henry Rollins' spoken-word stuff is another good example of a non-rhyming lyrical form. Anyways, just my thoguhts. Feel free to reply if'n ya feel like it.

missmichelle's picture

I hate the taste of coffee, yet I could feel a craving coming on. Very realistic poem. Like me an my daily shot of pepsi. I'm such a typical Love your work.

Robert Darlington's picture

Amy-Thank you for your kind words about my poem, Swans. I love Java, in fact I often tell folks my real name is Swami Javananda. I really loved this poem, as it is near and dear to my heart. No decaf for me-I'd rather drink Postum! Best wishes, Robert

dragonzite's picture

this is the amy I know at her best!!!!

Roz Turner's picture

Hi Amy Wow... this sounds like me first thing in the morning. hehe. Great use of words... enjoyed it heaps. Thanks Roz :)

Deborah  Russell's picture

yes...i am with life before coffee and i just gotta have it! Love this humorous stuff, it is great for putting a smile on your face anytime of day. Thanks! deborah

Rachelle Wiegand's picture

I am right there with ya on all of it, sister! I am a bear if I don't get that coffee...Kids & beau don't even speak to me until I am halfway into my second cup! Great prose...

Mel's picture

hahahha...i can relate to this well too!!..never thought of using coffee as a poetic theme...hehehe. but then again, anything n everything can be a theme.,,,smilesz. Lovely poem this is... i really enjoyed it!

Renee''s picture

hey there sis.... LOL... it must be true... we must be twins just born to different moms..... this is just the way i am when i wake up.... my man has to slowly open the bathroom door... and leave my first cup on the top of the shower... and RUN out..... i go in to work at 5am... so i get up at 3 so you know if anyone what that is like.... never knew that there was another person that would feel the same way as i do.... thanks for writting this and sharing it with us... have a great day ... and i will raise a cup to you in the morning.... :O)