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Affliction (Through the Eyes of a Child)
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Issues Affliction(Through the Eyes of a Child)
I don't want to be here.
I stare at these 4 walls everyday and it stares back
if only they could talk
There's some unspeakable pain
at dwells within me
that most kids wouldn't understand
the screaming, yelling, bashing, tongue lashing
Mommy was extremely too high to function
her brain soaking heavily in self-destruction
not being able to speak or energize
I just pray to my Savior to release me from
this prison I call home
Ricky is traumatized; he looks dead
and all Jo Jo does is pee the bed
this embedded terror in my dome
constantly I bitch and moan
these scriptures of torment etched in stone
Oh my God! Daddy's home.....
What's the worst that can happen now?
His money came up short and he
just finished his 3rd brandy
His anger escalates.
I don't want to be here.
It's been 15 days since the last feeding
the door swings open, time for a beating
for no apparent reason, just a random whippin
like when Mommy caught a beatdown
just for trippin
the whelps on my back speak for itself
my body stinks and my diminishing health
are my permanent emotional tattoos
I need love; not the kind of love that Mommy
calls making money from turning tricks or
the kind of love Daddy wants to give Jo Jo
when he feels the urge.....
it requires wholeness, understanding
and patience withstanding
but innocence and purity all taken
by flesh and blood, relentless drugs
poverty, abuse and slow death
what a fuckin mess
I don't want to be here.
Lord, please take this pain away
my childhood totally washed away
my skies are overshadowed with gray
will I live to see 18 someday?
I remain a vegetable in my own little atmosphere
nothing else left of me but these
tubes to help me breathe
I have a loss of vision, but however, I see
very cleary that my life as we know it is minimal
Daddy is now a criminal, serving a life sentence
[beep.]~~~~~~
I'll see Willie when I get to Heaven
[beep.]~~~~~~
Willie was my little brother, a crack baby
who died at 3 months old, now in safe quarters
[beep.][beep.]~~~~~
I'm next in line
[beep.][beep.]~~~~~
at the frontline
[beep.][beep.]~~~~~
Goodbye, world. It's checkout time
[beep.][beep.][beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.]~~~~~
<^/^---_-_--_-_----^> FLATLINE.
And I'm free.
written March 2003
This is a very troubling poem. It's so sad what children live through. They deserve a heck of a lot better and I pray that someday children will be treated as the gold they are.
This is deep, emotional yet it speaks the truth for so many children and survivors who are adults now.
The price some unfortunate children pay for "freedom" often leaves the adults speechless and in a neverending nightmare in question of "how could i not know".
Although this piece is heartbreaking it put me on an emotional roller coaster through the mind of that child.
Keep writing & i'll keep reading.
Sincerely,
Stephanie