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HEAVY HANDS.....fragile heart(a very true story, but written from a woman's perspective)

texted....5/27/03





SOMEBODY PRAY FOR ME..........



I HOPE I HAVE THE STRENGTH ENOUGH

TO FINISH OFF THIS LETTER

BECAUSE BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS

IT COULD TURN OUT FOR THE BETTER

WHEN I SEE MYSELF IN THE MIRROR

AND WHEN THE IMAGE LOOKS BACK

IT SHOWS A VIVID SIGN OF WEAKNESS

AND THE LOVE THAT I LACK

SEE FOR MANY YEARS I'VE BEEN INVOLVED

WITH THIS MAN NAMED "D"

MY FIRST LOVE, MY FIRST TIME

MY AIR, MY WATER, MY SEA

MY 1ST YEAR WITH HIM SEEMED LIKE

MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED

UNTIL I SAW THAT OTHER SIDE OF HIM

THAT IMPACTED ME LIKE CANCER

IT ALMOST SEEMS AS IF I'M CURSED

EVERYTIME I MENTION HIS NAME

I COULDN'T WISH WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH

ON ENEMIES....I HAVE MYSELF TO BLAME

I GAVE HIM FOOD WHEN HE WANTED IT

SEX WHEN HE NEEDED IT

A PERSONAL MAID? YEAH, THAT'S WHAT HE'S

BELIEVING IN

YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I SACRIFICED FOR THIS MAN

I GAVE UP COLLEGE AND THE NAVY FOR THIS MAN

HE KEPT ME ISOLATED FROM MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY

ALTHOUGH I STOOD BY HIS SIDE AND DEFENDED HIS SANITY

HE'LL CHECK THE SPEEDOMETER OF MY BUICK

EVERYTIME I LEAVE THE HOUSE

IF I CAME OUT MY FACE WRONG, HE'D SLAP ME IN THE MOUTH

HE SCREENS ALL MY CALLS AND SOMETIMES

FOLLOWS ME TO WORK

HE EMBARRASSED ME IN PUBLIC ONCE

BY RIPPING A HOLE IN MY SHIRT

ONE TIME HE HIT ME SO HARD HE LEFT A BUMP ON MY HEAD

THEN HE LATER HITS ME WITH A BATCH OF ROSES

CLAIMING HE WON'T DO IT AGAIN

IT WAS PROMISES AFTER PROMISES AND

HIS JEALOUSY GOT WORSE

I WAS WALKING ON EGG SHELLS WHILE LIVING THIS

IKE & TINA CURSE

BUT WHAT CAN I SAY?

I WAS JUST A DUMB CHICK IN LOVE

CONSTANTLY LYING TO MYSELF EVERYTIME I SHED BLOOD

UNHAPPILY ATTACHED AS WELL AS DRAINED AND DETAINED

I THINK THERE IS SOMETHING REALLY WRONG WITH MY BRAIN

I NO LONGER WANT TO BE HIS

PUNCHING BAG OR HO.......BITCH

MAYBE I SHOULD GO OUT LIKE

THEM GIRLS FROM MAURY POVICH

AND TELL MY WHOLE BUSINESS

SOUNDS A LITTLE RELENTLESS

HE'LL BEG FOR FORGIVENESS

THEN IT'S BACK HOME AND

IT'S BACK TO BUSINESS

THESE ARE THE CRIES I HOLD INSIDE

WITH TREMENDOUS FEARS

LOOK AT THIS BRUISE FROM YOU

PUSHING ME DOWN THE STAIRS

OR WAS IT THE CIGARETTE BURNS

THAT MAKES MY STOMACH TURN

MY MOM TRIED PREACH TO ME AND

STILL....I WOULDN'T LEARN

THEN ONE DAY I TOOK A LONG LOOK

IN THAT MIRROR

AND DECIDED THAT I DIDN'T WANT

TO BE IN THAT TERROR

IT TOOK SEVERAL YEARS OF COUNSELLING

AND SELF-CONFIDENCE

TO GAIN A BREATH OF FREEDOM AND INDEPENDENCE

I SWORE I WOULD NEVER TURN BACK

TO "D" AND THAT OL RESTRAINING ORDER

WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS NIGHTMARE

WAS BEING WITNESSED BY MY DAUGHTER??



I SAY THIS TO MYSELF EVERY NIGHT:

" I HAVE SAID THIS TO YOU, SO THAT IN ME YOU MAY

HAVE PEACE. IN THE WORLD YOU FACE PERSECUTION.

BUT TAKE COURAGE; I HAVE CONQUERED THE WORLD."

( JOHN 16:33 )

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