PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I feel that this is a very strong piece, it has a subtle but ver pressent emotional content to it and is worded in such a way which leaves the reader the ablity to place their own situation into the emtoional content. I love when that happens in a poem! I do feel like the second line "As it brings about a rhythmic randomness;

" breaks the poems beauty. For a few reasons, one being that it has a repeat of the same idea in close proximity, which I am never a huge fan of. Repition can be good but it is tricky to use. the second being that I feel it is the only line in the poem which does not have soemthing to say, it lacks the emotional impact and subtlty of the rest of the poem. Also the next line is so packed with emotion and is so relateable and loses its impact when coming after a blank line which shares it's most impacting words. I feel this poem is close to one of those poems that we as writer's hope to achive and never lose attachment too. Those poems that just stay relevant with us emotionally all through our lives, and that is hard to write at any age and any level of writing skill, and it is impressive to see you did so at 15 :) I feel that second line is what makes this poem 'close' rather than 'dead on'. It may be worht reading it outloud or in your head but skiping the second line to see if you also feel more impact from it...... anyways thats my two cents :) 

thanks for the share