Reason and My heart

Scrapbook poems

As I sit here and attempt to reason out my heart

A thousand thoughts of him race through my mind

Life has caused me to question much

And so I must face these thoughts to discover my truth

This man does not know me truly

Nor I him

But is it fate or convienice that brought us together?

If he is not worthy of my heart

Then why am I compelled to try for him?

Perhaps it is I who is not worthy.

Yet if he is not my one

Then what is the cause of my bones turning to dust?

Or this pang in the core of my heart each morn?

Could it be the first cut?

It is said to be the deepest

But I have been cut by a man before

though never deep

Never so deep

If men are fools then what does one call the maiden

who gives her heart to a fool?

In trying to spare myself pain

I may never know the extent of my feelings

Or his

Could he be more pained than I?

Is mine the pain of heartbreak

Or simply the loss of a plaything?

Or is this pain from the knowledge

that the plaything is I?

Is it paranoia or truth that says

"I am not the only girl to have his eye"?

He claimed I could have his heart

If I wanted it

But is that what I want?

Could it be that the player of hearts

is me,

This only pains me when when I let it?

Or does it gnaw at me continuously

regardless of what I do

Have I even been cut by this man

Or is this just another wall I've built

While he tries his hand at bridges?

Thoughts of him fill my head

each morning and night

And I bury them as best as I can

Still, other men are no longer as appealing as before

Not since holding him

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i was trying to convince myself to stay in a relationship with this guy, no it didnt work

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