apology: rejected


i'm still hanging on

after countless attempts

and failed goodbyes.

and i'm still desperately searching

for the truth, for an excuse to speak-

we'll call this closure but it will never be enough.

not until i hear you pour out a killer's confession.

(blame yourself instead of me)

and you'll tell me about those endless night-

how you lay awake and counted each breath i took, wondering

how long you could keep up the charade.

(the truth comes out at last)

and you'll tell me how you lied to save-

yourself, 'my feelings'- it's all the same,

when you're faking your heart beat as i lie in your arms,

when you're letting me fall, just to watch me stumble

then crash to the ground;

when every word you've ever said

is as empty and hollow as you've left me feeling.

but this is all you know how to do.

until shot after shot denies you,

refusing to erase the guilt

and my image from your mind.

the silent games you played were nothing

compared to what you'll be feeling now.

i have carved my name into your stone heart,

and there it will stay until you find me,

clumsily spilling apologies in an effort to make it right.

but you never can.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i fantasize about rejecting the apologies that i know will never come.

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