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Undeserving Mess

Father I messed up today

I don't even deserve a second chance

Father I do not even like who I am



Father I wished people would not look up to me

Cuz man I am just a mess, I make a mess of things

I just try so hard to be as perfect as I can

But deep inside my heart

I know my selfish reasonings, and you still love me

Father I just wished people would see the real me

cuz sometimes I can not bare the thought

Of someone so respectful and amazing

would think something of me



Father I just need to be honest

cuz it's taring me up inside

I will never give up on you

I'll never turn on you, and I know you'll hold me to that

But I just can't stand the thought of being this liar

and people think I am after your own heart

Especially when I seem to depart from your presence

God I just want to live for excellence, your spirit

Father help me to peel this pride away

Cuz with out you, what am I truly worth today?



Lord you convicted me, you set me straight

I felt crummy, cuz I never saw who I was

But you're forever faithful

and you keep throwing in a line

To rescue me from the deep waters

Even when I turned on you

You kept on loving me no matter what I did

Thank you so much gracious Father for your unconditional love



I just don't want people to think I am some great christian

Cuz I still make mistakes, and somedays I only pretend that it's ok

Father just give me strength and break me down

Help me to be humble before your throne,

Cuz I could never make it through this day without you

and I need you so badly, heal these emotions

Father help me to live this life on purpose

And help me to forget about my feelings in this existance

Help to me reach out to others, befriending the lonely

Cuz I know what it's like when there is no one



God just help me to do your will cuz I can not afford

to live life any other way

I can't wait to be in heaven, I can't wait to see your face

Even when this undeserving mess strolls your way

I just need you more than ever today

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this today when I was convicted by God. I knew I was wrong, and I just sat there not knowing what to say, cuz I never have been convicted like that before. I mean my boss set me straight, and I really realized I did not deserve a second chance. Even the non-christians were more of a man than myself. After being critical of them they still cared about me.  I just felt so terrible and I hate it when people think I am this good little christian. I just ask that some people would not follow others or strive to be like others. There is nothing wrong with respecting someone or being totally struck by them as wow, but I mean we are supposed to compare ourselves with God's standard and his words.  I do not like it when people think I am so great cuz I still mess up. When people comment on how I am a Godly person man I see so many others who are better. Or shall I say have better standards with Christ than I do. I really need to learn stuff, and I allowed some emotions to control me! Another mistake emotions if you let them control you, man you're in for heartbreak, cuz emotions are designed for a good purpose. Anyways I said what I needed to say! God Bless

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last updated 11 October 2010 - 7:16am
©1 August 2005 - 2:40am — deethepoet
2 August 2005 - 2:44am — Naomi Angeline (not verified)
Naomi Angeline's picture

Hey Andy, I can totally relate to this poem.. I've totally been there. I get frustrated too, when people put me up on this spiritual pedestal and then are suddenly surprised when I completely let them down... not to mention I have an extremely strong influence on a lot of people/younger christians in my life and it can be such a burden to set that godly example for them... I guess the best example I can set for them, is admitting my failures/mistakes and imperfections. That is what marks a true christian in my opinion; someone who can admit they aren't perfect, and not try to be someone they're not, you know? We strive for perfection, as Christ commands us, but we don't get all arrogant and defensive when we do something wrong... you know what I mean?
This is why I love God so much... He loves us and blesses us in spite of all those times we blow it.
I am with you - I cannot WAIT to get to heaven and finally, once and for all be liberated from this body of sin and death.
Praise be to God on that glorious day! \ً/

stand firm,
~Naomi