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Unfathomable
Subconscience suicide
Unconscious death inside
I'll never give a damn
You'll never hold my hand
Look what you made of me
Love hating memories
Restlessly resting mind
Disgruntled heart of mine
Subconscience suicide
Unconscious death inside
I'll never give a damn
You'll never hold my hand
Look what you made of me
Love hating memories
Restlessly resting mind
Disgruntled heart of mine
this poem reminds me of "you know your right" because of the beat and rhythme...i like...
-lindsey
I actually really like this poem. Especially now that I've read it many times. As I read it I get a very uncomfortable feeling because of the syntax.
The words do not flow like they do in a lot of your other poems, and this uncomfortable feeling you get trying to read the poem parallels with the subject of the poem.
The alliteration seems to contrast instead of flow as alliteration normally does. Also, the choice of the word 'disgruntled' and the repetition of 'never' adds a negative connotation to he poem, along wiht the reiteration of adding negative prefixes to the words (-sub, -un, -dis).
Overall I really enjoy it though. Great job.
-Banana Anna