Author Information
"A Covid-19 Dream"
by Jeph Johnson
If
everyone is
"gonna get this sooner or later"
and
we just need to
"flatten the curve"
to bide our time until we do
(so as to not overburden the hospitals)
why not just focus
on turning everyone's home
into a hospital?
OnlyFans can offer
tutorials training those
who are unemployed
(yet not at high risk)
to set up and monitor
those fancy
breathing devices.
I'm down with having
some of my
out of work
stripper friends
(heck, even Hooters waitresses!)
make a "house call"
to hook me up
with something
resembling my old
C-pap machine,
then paying them
a $40 co-pay.
This time it won't all be in ones either!
I know
that's
not
nearly
enough.
So the additional
couple thousand dollars,
my soon to be expiring
health insurance can pay.
This ISN'T an underhanded critique
of REAL front line
health care professionals;
I just know if I get it
I'm likely gonna be
one of those on a ventilator
gumming up the system so
I'm brainstorming more creative
(and hedonistic)
ways to enjoy my final days
leading up to my eventual demise.
Take this with a grain of salt
for it's just a dream;
one that makes sense
when I'm unconscious.
Awake? Not so much.
But I had to wake up to write it down.
I'm going back to sleep now.
