"My Blue Boat Dream"

by Jeph Johnson


We're all drowning. Only 1% can swim. Our feet can't even touch the bottom and there's a whirlpool swirling.


On shore we see an orange man smiling against a red background. He throws a rope to very select people first and only pulls in those who are nice to him. The others he tells to tie his rope around their necks in a noose. Most do. He then throws his end of the rope into the water with an anchor attached.


A super nice man comes by in a turquoise lifeboat and a lot of people start getting on.

"No you can't do that!" his friends start yelling, "your lifeboat isn't blue enough."

"Blue enough? What's that supposed to mean?" he asks. "It's big enough. That's all that matters."


"No. It's gotta be the blue boat. And we're going to have this well-seasoned skipper captain it."


"I mean I'm pretty well-seasoned too but whatever." He hops on board. "Okay let's get these people on board too."


"On board? Oh no, no, no, you don't understand," his friends tell him, "the blue boat is only here to offer swimming lessons to those who support us."

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