What am I. Who am I suppose to be. Why is it that sometimes the most important questions in your life never have the answers when you need them most. Why is that no one really seems to speak what they want to say. Why is everyone afraid of being hurt. Why can't I sacrifice myself to bring happiness to others. I accepted my limitations, I just want to make everyone have the happiness that I desire so. I don't know what I'm doing but I know that I am truly happy when I think of the memories of when I did right. When I alone was sufficient enough to make people happy. I don't know how to live, I don't know how to be. I judge my actions as thought I'm watching me live, and not really living myself. I'm watching myself be destroyed, every time I think I might be able to just be I look at my mistakes. I try hard to be perfect, so people won't know how flawed I am. Just as I start to lose this touch, is when I need it most. I need to be the best father. There will be no exception, I will be better then anyone because I will put everything into it. I won't screw up, I have too much riding on this to lose now. My existence has never been more important then right now. Just when I feel like I have a sense of realism I lose it to the chance that it might not be mine. What will happen if this is not mine. I am strong, but I'm still weak. No one knows exactly how much I need Adrian, how much I need purpose. If I have him, I will want to be better. If I don't then there's nothing, I will be completely alone. I'm putting everything into the roll of dice, luck seems to be on my side this time. Come next week all of this will either be a good joke or an ever-lasting reminder of exactly how wrong I can be.

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shawon1982's picture

really you do have the patience!

Dr. Zayed Bin Zakir Shawon