Shattered Eyes

My walls are decaying. My fortress of wonderful solitude hiding from everything that progresses in the world is no longer in existance. I'm paranoid and nervous because I feel so alone, nothing really covers up the bruises and scars of living the way I do. It's come to a point where I no longer listen to what someone says, I disect every part of every sentance and look for signs of treachery or deceit. It's like I feel everyone is against me trying to make me miserable when all I'm doing is doing what I do best, ignore the ringing phone, look at the vacant box and pretend I'm happy with the way things are. I'm so cold sometimes it surprises even me, I've become everything I feared and secretly wanted: A cynical, proud and stubborn idiot. Everything is falling out of my grasp with every song that plays by I feel the fear that I have lost everything of my childhood... nothing left. I'm not strong enough to do this I can't be something I tried and I only feel miserable at the end of it all. I just end up lying about everything so I can feel good about myself, as long as I feel good that's all that matters huh? I worry all the time about what I'm going to do, am I just going to become one of my customers or am I going to leave and try by myself or stick with the same job feeling like shit coming home smelling like stale beer and just sit emotionless next to my own girlfriend. I messed up, so much for graduation, high school friends, and everything I got from reaching that point of my life. I only got the friends who aren't really going anywhere in life, or the ones that are trying but just can't find the time or the money to do it and after awhile it makes me question which one of the two groups of friends do I fall in? Then I just look to the darkness of the night sky and dream about what could be... and what never can.

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Stephanie Hill's picture

My turn!!
I think yur a noble person, and i think yu woudln't have made the decisions yu made if yu didn't think they were the right ones. Ups n' downs to both sides of the argument really. I think yur lovely [yes, yu've heard me, lovely] and yur far from whatever yu think yu are. keep yur chin up, yu will achieve great things in yur lifetime [dear lord i sound like a fortune cookie]
that is my input, yu already know i know yu are a fantastical writer, guess i can slip it in again to make yu feel pretty :D
keep 'em commin' love

Charles Cosgrove's picture

The whole point of life is to live it...good or bad results are how you learn....and once you figure out that life always offers a second chance....then you learn to dream far as fitting in with friends....never deny your uniqueness