This Thing

Why am I like this? 

What is wrong with my brain? 

Why, why why can't I  

just be like everyone else? 

How come  

I had to be the one who has this brain dysfunction? 

This thing 

that gets in the way of my speech 

This thing that hinders my learning 

This thing 

This thing 

that makes me different 


Everyone knew that something was amiss 

as I was walked out of class every week 

to this room filled with board games 


and this woman with white hair would just talk to me 

talk to me about how I was doing 

talk to me about how my day was 

talk to me 

about nothing 


As I got older, 

the talking kept going and the red stamp of DIFFERENT stayed on my head 

The word "Resource class" was all that the other kids need to know that I was different 

they didn’t know what it meant 

they lumped me with the ADHD, Autism, dyslexia 

they looked down their noses and ignored 

ignored the stuttering girl who couldn't get out the answer fast enough 

ignored the stuttering girl when asked to spend time with them 




The psychologists tested 

test and tested trying to figure out the difference 

tested and tested until there was no new information 

there was only 

"she is has some form of a learning disability". 

Questions always spiraling 

wondering what I have  

why I stutter? 

why I can't get my ideas out fast enough? 

why I can't organize my thoughts? 




I just repressed  



hid my difference 

pushed it deep down hoping it will just go away 

hoping that one day I would wake up and I will be 





College I repressed my past 

I told no one about the thing that brought on so much anger and resentment 

the past that made me question myself 

question my intelligence 

question my worth 



However, this  


has become a strength 

My questioning and innovation 

makes me unique 

My stuttering makes me think before I speak 

My brain 

which has caused so much upset 

makes me who I am 

makes me 






LukeBurkman's picture

I like this!

I like this!