Funny Poems

May you live as long as you want to;

May you want to as long as you live.

If I'm asleep when you want to, wake me;

If I'm awake and don't want to, make me.

Here's to you, I'm glad that I metcha,

And now that I met you, I'm glad that I letcha,

And now that I letcha, I betcha I'd letcha again.

Here's to the drink that creates fire,

Here's to the drink that creates desire.

Not the kind that burns down shanties,

But the kind that burns down panties.

Here's to the qirl in the little red shoes,

She drinks my liquor, she drinks my booze.

She has no cherry but that's no sin,

She has the box the cherry came in.

Here's to the girl dressed in black,

She's dressed so fine, there's nothing to slack.

She feels so fine and kisses so sweet,

She makes things stand, that have no feet.

Here's to an hour of sweet repose,

Turn to tummy and toes to toes,

Then after an hour of such delight,

It's fanny to fanny for the rest of the night.

Now that I'm old and feeble,

And pilot light is out;

What used to be my sex appeal is now my waterspout.

I used to be embarrassed to make the thing behave,

For every single morning it would stand and watch me shave.

But now I'm getting old and it gives me the blues,

To have the thing hang down and watch me tie my shoes.

God made little boys, made them out of string,

He had a little left, made a little thing.

God made little girls, made them out of lace,

He ran a little short, and left a little space.

Thank You God.

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Harmony Mendelsohn's picture

Very well written! It's very funny, yet very well worded. Great job.

Karyn Indursky's picture

Cute and funny write. I enjoyed reading this morning after being frustrated with a crying baby. I love my son, but sometimes he drives me crazy. Anyway, keep writing and posting. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Jillian Camtasia Carver's picture

"She has no cherry but that's no sin,
She has the box the cherry came in"

That's an awesome line and this poem is so interesting, I really like it..

Aquila Vanetta's picture

i've seen most of those on plaques,
but you know it's kewl to see them again,
i mean they are funny ...

dangerous_addiction's picture

i love this poem, it's kind of wierd that a poem like this (about sex and such) could be written so well, i've never written a poem like this and i know that i could never write one as well as you have done here. it's very amusing and still so nice to read.