(01) 5/15/82 Tom and Me, The Sky and Sea

Lately, I just think and worry

Often, I don't know what to do

My thoughts are so confused and blurry

I do know I still want you



I'd like you to want me

Is that enough though?

I know you still love me

Do we care enough though?



We say it's just too hard

to keep our love going

We keep putting up our guard

against what, I'm not knowing



I wish we'd take more time

time to do what's best

for each other, and time

to pull all bad to rest



I'd like to be your friend, first

and you to be mine

so much, I think I'll burst

but I need a sign



If I had a sign you'd stick things out

maybe I'd try harder too

Instead of only finding time to shout

and splitting us in two



I wish I had the answer

the one to make things right

Leaving you can't be the answer

for I don't sleep at night



I felt good when I could support you

being there by your side

loving and caring so much for you

through life's rough tide



I feel bad now that I'm not

but I'm sticking up for me

I do feel alone now, and caught

between helping you, and me



I thought we once were equals

I loved you as much as me

Apart we don't seem like equals

We're as different as the sky and sea.



           II.



Somewhere a romantic sees

the sky there kissing the sea

and they're never apart

I wish he was you or me



I love you Tom so very much

I can't forget about you

I don't ever want to lose touch

I wish that I was with you



Sometimes I think I should let go

let go of what?

I don't really know

loving you, Just can't be what



My love for you may be irrational

the way I always want you

Sometimes I don't feel like being rational

I'd rather have you here, too



I only dread, I've hurt you by holding on

If I must let go, I must let go

It's your answer I'm depending on

I must know; I love you more than you could know.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Many of the poems of this folder express the many moods and feelings I had, after I learned my boyfriend of two years (counting all the on's and off's) no longer wanted to know me after I became pregnant.  He made fat jokes.  He pointed where the baby was and said, "I want THAT to go away."

The first poem I wrote concerning my relationship with Tom was shown to him as a last ditch effort to make me feel something and profess some love toward me.  His only comment after reading it was, "It's good."

Then, he handed it back. He said nothing about its message.  He saw no other poems I wrote.  I didn't see him again until after the baby was born.  That afternoon he talked of regular visits, but he never saw me nor my baby girl again.

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