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Slowly And Painfully, I Live Again.
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DESPAIR Shaking, cold and scared.
I crawl into my bed and curl into a tiny ball
Hoping to disappear, I hold in my sobs and cry
Soaking my pillows and covering my sheets in eyeliner
Just another thing I ruin
I cling tightly to the one thing I have of you
The memories
But they aren't enough
I clench my jaw and try to stop the tears
From whelling up in my jade eyes
I squeeze my eyes shut as they fall down relentlessly
Never ending are these tears in my heart
Not able to be healed are these
Bruises, scars, tears, rips, and holes in my heart
There are times where I've tried to
Sew up my heart with my own thread
Only to have it ripped open at the seam again
There have been times where I've
Wanted to streak my blood over everything I own
Just to let the frustration and pressure leak out
Just a tiny bit
There once was a time where ...I think...
They might have loved me.
Or it might have been an act
And then, I sit and stare
Burning holes in my ceiling
Feeling my whole body die slowly
Bit by bit at a time...
At times, I've tried to stop the convulsions
Of uncontrollable sobs
Feeling my body shake violently from them
I wish I had never been born
From the womb of that horrid woman
Who disguises herself as my mother
And sometimes..I just...
Wish you could understand ...
Just how fucked up I am...
Wishing you were here...
Just to hold me..
While I sob and cry
And relieve the pressure
The hurt
The frustration
But there's no way to reverse...
This slow and painful death....
I'm sorry.
