Taylor...Its All Your Fault!


Oh, Taylor, what have you done to us?

We were once respectable, daughters, mothers, wives.

But since you strolled out on the scene,

You've all but consumed, our lives!

We stay here staring at this monitor,

For hours and hours every day.

Just so we won't miss a single word,

That might be posted about 'Our TAY!'

The dishes are stacked up in our sinks.

The laundry piled up on the floor.

The only time we've left the house,

Is to buy PEOPLE mag down at the store!

Our kids ask, "What's for dinner, Mom?"

And what do we answer and do?

Raising our fist in the air, we scream...


We know we're starting to loose it-

That last bit of our self-control,

When hubby tells you in the morning,

That in your sleep you yelled, "SOUL PATROL!!!"

Or when we're looking at our men,

Contemplating their hair.

And running our fingers through it,

Hoping to see some gray growing there!

We're spening all our savings accounts,

On tickets, tee-shirts and CD's.

We see a display of 'DIMYP'

And yell, running..."I HAVE to have MORE of THESE!"

Our families are getting really worried,

And whispering about a show called, 'Intervention.'

I heard they are starting a weekly meeting group-

I think they called it, 'Taylor-Prevention!'

We don't even watch much TV no more,

Unless we know, you'll be on a certain show.

We couldn't tell you what's going on in the world-

But your favorite things? Now THAT, we know!!

We're creating sigs and graphics,

And cute little avatars and pics.

See! We are learning something here!

That there's so many ways to write, 'TAYLOR HICKS!'

We've posted lots of funny things,

Even had a 'fantasy thread'.

But lucky for you (and our sanity)

That, that one, now is dead!

We're on this thing from early morning.

Through the day and into night.

We're loosing all our track of time,

But spending it all here, at this site!

We're buying FORDS just for a poster,

Putting ourselves into serious debt.

But we don't even seem to care,

For our bedroom walls, will look their best yet!

We've even gotten into fights,

With those who had an unkind thing to say.

But don't you worry Taylor, dear...

We drove those trolls away!

We're calling and e-mailing radio stations,

To keep on playing your song-

Even though, we have, several copies of our own,

And play them all day long!

We're obsessing over every thing,

Like-"Did Taylor buy himself that new couch?"

And planning out, how we'll stow-away,

In the back of your bus, in a well-hidden crouch!

Heck, we've even tried raising some funds,

Because some of us are gonna need bail.

For we are really, pretty sure,

That rushing the stage, will put us in jail!

But, please, don't hold it against us, Taylor-

Well...*wink*wink* you CAN, if you really want to!

UGH! See what I mean!? Every little thing,

Becomes an inuendo, right towards you!!!

Its really not our fault though, Taylor.

That thinking of you, so races our blood.

Or that simply seeing another pic of you,

Makes us all go... *THUD!*

Its not our fault at all, no, no!

Its yours and that sexy grin!

For every time we see it again-

It all but does us in!!

We, 'ooohhh' and gush and get all giggly,

Like star-struck, wide-eyed teens-

Posting back and forth all the day,

And wiping lipstick from off our screens!

We've written letters, stories and poems-

Heck, I myself have written a few.

But the only topic we've seemed to cover,

Is always, all about, just you!!

Some are even planning tattoos,

Where you'll forever be ingrained.

And some want to name their baby, 'Taylor'

While others are going, toTAYlly insane!!

We've been TAYlorized and Soul-orized,

And Idol-ized, down to the core.

We've been banned from supermarkets,

And from several record stores!

But really, we didn't mean no harm,

And did it from the bottom of our hearts.

We thought, it was okay, you see,

To put PEOPLE and DIMYP in everyone's carts!

We've even made up all new words-

A language all our own.

With Taylor-isms about everything.

From TAYriffic to TAYlephone!

Don't you see what you've done to us?

Oh, Taylor, won't you please take pity?

We just want to spread you around,

To every state and town and city!

We voted for you, till our fingers we numb,

And talked you up, till our voices were hoarse.

In effort to make you our American Idol,

By whatever means or source!

We hope you know, we love you, Taylor,

By our steadfast dedication.

But, by God, man! You're driving us mad!

Soon we'll all be on medication!!!

I fear we are destined for therapy too,

And a brand new 12-Step plan.

Because you are like a drug to us,

And we need to get every 'fix' we can!

Oh, Taylor...you've created us-

Made us, what we are today-

A pack of hungry wolf-like women,

Hunting down, our unsuspecting prey!

So don't say you didn't see it coming,

Or that you never expected all of this.

Because Taylor, this is ALL YOUR FAULT-

And for it, you owe each of us...a slobbery kiss!!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For all my fellow SPers at TOSP!!

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