My Pride, My Sin (vulgarity included)

I have no motivation

To become a better person

When another egotistical cunt

Invades my mind


I'm not supposed to be you

I never wanted this

Sold my sanity

For 15 minutes of bliss

Sinking into a crevice



Latent mockery diluted my vision

I can feel it creeping up

It's taking over

There's nothing I can do except


Fuck you

Sentimental and delusional


No backbone

You envisioned me, created me

And now you want to delete me?

It's not that easy

I'll make my mark on humanity

You needed me, I never needed you


This mind is not big enough for two

I'll sever this cancerous vein

Even if I kill myself


I can't stand the ones I love

Being hurt in the crossfire

Of my own battlefield

Even if I lose

I'll make sure you never win

You are my own creation

Mutually assured destruction

My pride, my sin

My punishment

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lizardking's picture

the snake

this sort of mindset is hard not to slip into.. i, too, fear that i have sold my soul and struggle on a deep level, having found God and continued in sin. there is no way to live up to the standard of perfection, but i think that's the point. but to hate God for what i have done is something i've realized isn't logical. i raged at him for a long time but it's purposeless, God is just the purest form of me, and i'm just an expression of the ineffable "collective soul" (for lack of better words.) outside of it i don't exist, i can't exist. to kill God would be to kill everything that ever was, is, and is to come. it is easier to accept grace and simply live.

Carcass's picture

I have no quarrels with any

I have no quarrels with any God or gods, to do so would indeed be foolish. Just cause we can't prove in a human sense if they exist or not. We can't prove it either way, so why mock them? This one is primarily about schizophrenia, but I find your take on it very interesting. Always a pleasure to hear how other people perceive these.  Thanks again.

lizardking's picture

i see schizophrenia as the

i see schizophrenia as the human condition personified. sort of like lsd-induced psychosis. two skies fighting. we all have demons to fight. i'm actually genuinely surprised this poem isn't about God, i see a lot of it in your writing.

Carcass's picture

Ironic, I don't personally

Ironic, I don't personally believe in the Christian God at all. This is why I like to hear how other people interpret my writing. Always fascinating.