Losing My Addiction

flesh under fingernails
scratched and bleeding arms
fading in and out of reality
shaking and crying, going down fast
cold sweat on my cheeks
heart pounding in my chest

sweaty hands rubbing bloodshot eyes
trying to awaken from the nightmares
nightmares that have become my reality
my delusional reality

a twenty four hour battle
wrapped in sweat soaked sheets
unable to stop shaking and scratching
screaming and crying

looking up...i wipe a tear from my cheek
it's morning...i smile
i have won the battle
not yet the war

one day down...
 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

6~25~2002 

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Hisui Kokoro's picture

There is something about a writer from NY. We are just a bit strange, different from almost everyone else everywhere else in the world, usually brought into this world by sterio- typical ethnic parents locked into a sadness that Brooklyn and Staten Island (I was born there) just eminate to an extreme. We live our lives hard with soft hearts all wrapoed up in all the armor the day can carry for us, surrounded with a contrast between severe lacking and extreme fortune between the beautiful sad faces and all the varients that fall between. We walk the halls of work and schools and try...to just be anything but the NY norm we both hate and love, defend with our lives and to our deaths. Sounds like we have lived similar lives and you are a writer because of all of the above. I got out because I had to,(live in Florida now) which is the closest thing to hell in my opinion because of the cultural differences, its not easy for a NYer here in hell.) but NYC is still in my heart and soul as it is in my writing and in yours. Very nice, all of them, all of your poems are quite beautiful! I hope your addiction heals itself...What helps is to: Tell yourself, in the mirror, right in your face, everyday, even against yourself, that you are...perfect as you are and beautiful inside and out, then learn to believe it and you will know it to be true because true, is only and always what you make it! Peace sweet girl... and a Big fat N.Y. Ginny hug from a fellow writer in stuck in hell.

L Lp's picture

Joey is right, you can do something
to help yourself out. The more you
drink the greater tendency you may
be neglecting some important things
in your life.