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Hatred bubbles inside

And is threatning to overflow with the pain and all the emotion that a person could possibly hold

And I know that it isn't hatred

It's just so much sadness

I can't find air that satisfies my lungs

And my eyes are too red from crying to see

Seeping like an hourglass down from my neck to my feet

In cold chilling fingers

I hold it back so no one knows

I don't want pity or consolence

I want to erase time that is irrepairable

I want to mend all the holes I allowed to grow

So that we can be pieced back to a whole

I know that it isn't possible

No matter how many tears I can't make it better

Irrational as it is I still love you

It's so FUCKING irrational

I KNOW I CAN'T HAVE YOU

It's like slapping myself saying that aloud

Every kind of pain

AND MY FINGERS ARE SHAKING

And streams are running across my face

But worse than knowing that I couldn't make you love me

Is knowing that you lied

You didn't care enough to stop from hurting me

IN THE ACT YOU DIDN'T STOP

IN THE MOMENT YOU DIDN'T THINK

IN THOSE SECONDS YOU DIDN'T CARE

You didn't care that you were doing this to me

You only thought of yourself

Which means you never told me the truth about how you felt

WHY DID YOU LIE?

Don't make promises you can't keep

I would NEVER EVER ever ever ever have done that to you.

People that care about eachother can trust eachother

So how can you say the things you do?

It doesn't make sense

You made me SO happy

I wish you could've understood that feeling

Something strong enough to keep you liking me

Something I could NEVER provide

For whatever reason I wasn't good enough

And it doesn't make any sense that I'm so happy for you

Because you're in love

I just want you to have that

Even if it's not me

And I still want you

Why do I still want us to be together

I'd know that you were pretending

I wish I knew that before I allowed myself to love you

I wish that I had known those words were a lie

I wish I had known you would take it all back

Swallow your tongue

If I had known I never would've said them in return

And I wouldn't have the problem of not being able to say them enough

I'm tired of mascara stinging my eyes

Right now I'm just so tired

And I can't sleep

I can't do anything

No power

No control

No hope

Not right now



I thought I did something right for once when I first kissed you

I thought I had found someone genuine

Everyone else thought so too

So how could I have argued with that

How could I have felt anything other than I did

Or wanted things to be any different

I just wanted to let myself be happy

And stop hurting myself and letting people hurt me

I just wanted my turn

When is my turn?