Now That You're Gone

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All About Me

I still remember the morning you passed away,
I think it's ironic it was April Fools Day.
I was on the computer when you came to me,
I need to write this to set your soul free.

You were cold to the touch for the first time ever,
Just kissing your cheek had made my soul shiver.
Didn't know it then that you were bound for heaven,
Looked at the clock, it was around five oh seven.

It worried me some, the pained look in your eyes,
That I comforted you came to no surprise.
You told me you were sorry that you were this way,
I told you don't worry, I loved you I'd say.

Assuring you that when its all over you'd be okay,
We walked out the door and went on our way.
To the hospital emergency room I drove fast,
Cursing at all the slow cars I had to pass.

When the doctor admitted you he took me aside,
He told me it'd be better if I waited outside.
The last thing I said as I waved you goodbye,
Was I love you, don't worry, I'll be here all the time.

I waited for what seemed like hours on end,
Until the nurse walked in and took my hand.
She said oh honey, I'm sorry for your loss,
I looked as she made the sign for a cross.

Defiant, I pushed passed her determined to see,
The doctors had paddles, but I wouldn't believe.
You were gone, I could see it all over your face,
Suddenly my world shattered all over the place.

I told them to stop, to just let you go,
You were no longer with us, but I just had to know.
Tears streaming I ran up and kissed your lips,
I couldn't hold on, had to get a grip.

Your mother was screaming no my baby, my baby,
I saw her lose hope with no chance for a maybe.
Your sister came in with tears in her eyes,
I saw through her face like some kind of disguise.

When it was all over I just sort of blacked out,
I didn't cry, I didn't shout.
I was numb to the very tips of my fingers,
With a darkness inside that started to linger.

For months I felt nothing inside me but pain,
I wanted so badly to hold you again.
To hear you whisper I love you, forever you'd swear,
But then I'd reach for the covers and you weren't there.

At first I tried drinking as a way to cope,
All that got me was trouble, made me feel like a dope.
Then I found myself singing each night at the bar,
Convenient for me because I didn't live far.

The songs flowed within me, my voice raised up high,
On the stage I almost felt I could fly.
Singing "Time After Time," and "The Greatest Man I Never Knew,"
No one knowing but me that I was singing to you.

It took time but I listened to all those around me,
Giving words of advise in hopes to set me free.
Pretty soon I was living as part of the world again,
Then God delivered to me a good friend.

He knew all the right words, he knew just what to say,
He had been through it all himself back in the day.
He saw through my brick walls I had thrown on my heart,
He made me want to begin a fresh start.

It was perfect timing how he and I met,
It was a new beginning for me and yet.
I couldn't help remembering how things used to be,
When we lived our lives together just you and me.

I remembered you told me one time you were blue,
That you'd pass away and I'd find someone new.
You said that you'd always be close in my mind,
And that with him true love I would find.

I believe you picked him out for me right from the crowd,
When he was singing his songs, and singing them loud.
You knew right then that he and I would become one.
And you know I still love you, even now that you're gone.

Brandy Noelle Souza
November 22, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is dedicated to my ex fiance who died April 1, 2008. I was with him for 10 wonderful years. I wrote this poem in memory of him & as a form of grieving & moving on. If this poem touches anyone, or helps them in a time of need like this, I am glad for it.

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Imprinted-soul's picture

This is beautiful! I got

This is beautiful!

I got shivers down my spine 

and my eyes are filled with tears.

What a strong woman you must be.

thank you for sharing..

b.n.souza's picture

ty. i dunno how strong i am,

ty. i dunno how strong i am, but ty so much. glad you liked the poem.

Imprinted-soul's picture

Well in my eyes you

Well in my eyes you are.

Strength to me is walking

through hell and back yet still

choosing to wear your heart on

your sleeve. After losing such a 

deep love it would have been easier 

to just close off your heart.. Becoming

cold and bitter. But you endured 

the pain, loss and grief and now your heart

is strong enough to love again yet still leaving 

a place for your sweetheart you lost.

Your strength is admirable. 

b.n.souza's picture

it means the world to me that

it means the world to me that you said that. t

SSmoothie's picture

You brought tears to my eyes,

You brought tears to my eyes, so sorry for your loss and happy for your loving gain your story touched me deeply. Beautifully written Hugss 


Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's life SIMS, but not as we know it" - ¡$&am

b.n.souza's picture

ty. I'm glad you were able to

ty. I'm glad you were able to be moved. :) sorry it took me so long to respond.

nightlight1220's picture

It's beautiful. Thank you for

It's beautiful. Thank you for sharing and so glad to know you made sense of something that can most often feel so senseless.

~peace~

........


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "

 

b.n.souza's picture

Thankyou, that means a lot to

Thankyou, that means a lot to me.