I know in my mind,

I am committed.

But in reality,

My wife is so very far away.

I feel like eventually,

We'll come to an impass...


I have cheated on her,

You know that, and why.

She knows why.


After I just said good-bye to be with another,

And found how cruel life could be...

Being stricken down with the secrets I had trusted her with.

I knew,

In my heart and soul,

I could not find another like my wife.

We were together long,long ago,

And it didn't work between us.

Then I met someone that can only come from surreal dreams.

Beyond purposful cruelty and debilitating nightmares.

Then I met my wife, again,

SHE, renewed in God.

"If you constantly worry about the one,

Who won't love you back...

You'll miss the one loving you now."

So I took my wife's hand,

And she trusted me with her heart again.

Now, feeling like the world only offers cold leftovers,

And steaming piles of horse dung to slip in,

Here is this incredible person...

Who thinks like I do.

Who values the same things I do.

Who treats me as a friend with dignaty and respect.


God, this ain't no joke to be playing on me.

If I was supposed to find her,

Why didn't you put her in my life earlier,

Before, I committed to my wife.

Before I ran back to pledge my faith and allegience.

Before I begged her for forgiveness of an infidelity,

    That technically didn't happen, but feel so...

    In my heart.

God, this is my wife we're talking about.

This is my heart...

This is my friend who deserves a whole person.

I do not understand you,

But for now,

I will have Faith that you do know what you are doing.


I feel your master plan,

Leaves me a day late, and a dollar short.

In my three marraiges,

I settled for crumbs,

Because I thought you weren't with me.

Now, I feel like I am being fed at your table...

And I now have to ask this friend to leave

Before we've even dined.

In the Father's hands I go,

I just don't want my heart,


It's worn thin and frazzled out...

And I've tarnished it so.

It's not got any life in it,

And feels like a lump of coal.

Yet it still beats,

And I want it dead.

I never want to thirst,

Never want to hunger,

For anything.

Because, God,

I'm tired of life's jokes.

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