I am not ready.

Who raised you?

Who are your hero's?

Who do you want to emulate?

Who or what do you respect?

Can you be honest with yourself?

What does that look like to you?

How do you speak to others...

    When you see them struggling?

    When you know they are in denial?

    When they are hopelessly distracted?

    When they are ill?

How do you spend your money?

    What is it to you?

    Something to hoard for hard times?

    A mere tool?

    Something to be shared?

What do you spend money on?

    Necessities or luxuries?


    Does it ever have time to burn holes in your pockets?

Do you have charge cards?

Do you expect me to spend on mine?

Can you say NO to anyone?

Are you easily manipulated?

Do you manipulate?

DO you drink?

Are you phony?

Do you only get interested in people when it's good for you?

Do you care about what others sacrifice?

Do you care at all?

Who of your family do you stay in contact with?

Why do you get so aloof around them?

Would you really introduce me as your lover?

Do you want children?  'Cuz I don't.

Do you believe in wanting a child so much, your body reacts--

Without the introduction of egg and sperm?

Are you able to be faithful?

Will you abandon me in a hospital?

Will you find that my illness is just too much

For your simple charming life?

Are you a drama queen?

Do you play games?

If I tell you my heart hurts,

    Will you say, "you think that is bad, let me tell you..."?

Do you blame others for what you can't see?

Do you accept responsibility for your actions?

Do you run when the chips are down?

Or do you throw fuel to the fire and make things worse?

Are you into rules?

Do you live by any code that makes sense?

Do your actions and words match eachother?

Are you the jealous type and require me not to see my friends?

Will you make me give them up, and if so,

What else will you expect me to give up

For the sake of your finding

COHESIVENESS in our relationship?

To make you feel good,

Is that what you need someone for?


If it is just the same,

I won't say there isn't a possibility that you are OUT THERE.

But you have to pass my acid proof test.

You have to give me good faith gestures to think you are


My heart had been baked, broiled, fried, steamed,

    And I'm not into organ meat dishes.

How will you hold me?

    Not just physically, but my heart?

Please understand,

That for right now,

I'm not ready.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

People put on their best in the first of relationships, and it's crap.  That is the part people fall for, and the facade falls away and all you see is evil and darkness that they are trying to hide.  Maybe I am presumptious to require an acid proof test, but it's my heart, my life, and I want to know the real person, the good, bad, ugly before I make any life changing decisions about what I will or won't do.  I've had my share of drama, chaos, and even boredom.

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