My Love,

How I yearn and ache for you,

For your breathe to gently cross the back of my neck,

For your arm around me when you sleep,

For your special laugh when you talk on the phone.

I miss the smell of your lotion,

The cologne and botanicals you wear.

I miss your softness,

When you hold me when I cry,

When Abby is scared,

When you understand that presence means more to me,

   Than the quick fix.


It now seems like a faint dream,

The glint in your mischievous thick lashed eyes,

    As they dart across the landscape,

        Coyly, playfully, batting and beckoning for trouble,

Become indistinct in the fog of time.

Yet, I remember when:

You understood my methodical mind,

And the insanity that bounced on the walls within this cage.

Sincerely, I am humbled by your belief in service,

Your humility, to help even those who are worse off than you,

When it is their own fault for not having the money...

   To purchase the basic necessities.

You see the world

"If I give money to those in need,

Then it's money in the bank...

BecauseI believe in Karma and Random Acts of Kindness,

I know God can move in this way,

Not in FDIC."

It is fascinating,

How you live a life of Faith,

And don't even know it.

You have been in places,

Where snakes would not even go,

And still you find a way to rise out of those hells, Unscathed, Unharmed, Un-nerved

Complete with your soul intact.

You say you have now found the Lord,

Honey, In my heart,

I know the Lord has been carrying you all this time.

However, I miss the way you can trust blindly,

Know that the great universe will never leave nor forsake you.

And still, you are worried about me hurting your heart.


My Dearest Love,

What can I say to you to ensure trust?

Sometimes, when you are already down,

   Should I tell you things I know will hurt you?

        Or do I wait,  

Perhaps forgetting that later on, because life goes on...

When casually this item slips into conversation,

   You think I've lied...

   When all I was, was that big girl

   Who took care of BUSINESS.

Baby, I know you are a self sufficient,

Hell, "I'm grown too."

And we all want to deal with problems head on,

And that no one should decide how you are and should feel,

Before the information is ever given to you.

But I fear,

You are a little duckling in a big pond...

Trying to let your thoughts and feelings...

    Catch up with one another.

Why should I tell you,

That there is a snapping turtle on the other side of the lake,

If it is in no real immediate danger of snapping at your feet?

And when you do come to know some minor details,

At a later date,

Why do you stress so,

I'm trying to prove to you that I am not as fragile,

As you may think I am.

And I chose to deal with things accordingly,

And moved on.

The point is we are still together...

Still one.

Yes, I miss you,

And for now, I can't speak to you.

Obviously, we both have our broken down houses to fix,

But when we get back together,

We will be better individuals for it...

And have a newly remodeled union.

So take a firm grip,

Gird yourself up with the Lord,

Focus your mind,

Make a list of objectives,

Know what you want to throw in the trash heap,

And what is worth keeping.

You've taught me so much about,

Loving the self...

Valueing who and what I am, so much so,

That I now speak my mind...

Instead of swallowing many things in anger.

And that too,

You may not understand my anger,

Because I never had an option to feel anger,

Just love and happiness,

You know the lie,

"Don't Worry, Be Happy."

As if by saying the mere words lifts every burden.

Someone special asked me,

What is so special about Evelyn?

It was simple,

And you wrote it in one of your letters.

"Baby, I can stay within four walls,

And they'll never get me down.

I can do time.

I just worry about you,

Because these walls don't just box me in,

They are boxing you out,

Making us do this time,

Together, and you never asked for this."

It's that tiny little affirmation,

The acknowledgement of my caring.

Maybe in the past,

When you went to places where snakes wouldn't dare to go,

Your eyes and ears weren't open.

But I prayed for you,

And I had to believe that I had faith for both of us.

Then wonder of all wonders...

When I am alone, and afraid,

Full of doubt,

You are just on the other side of a radio wave,

With a love that sees no walls boxing us in or out.

It is amazing, that in your weekest moment,

You have faith for both of us.

I love you by FAITH,

In the biggest of small ways,

And the tiniest of extra large expanses.

I guess,   INTIMACY,


Author's Notes/Comments: 

Baby, I love you, I wrote part of this a while back when my mind just rambled with thought, funny how now with our latest events, it's a piece that wrote itself.  "I AM READY FOR LOVE"--and you know what I mean.
Thank-you for your love, EWB.

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