I loved you a long time ago--

And reveled in MY dreams of what I THOUGHT your potential,


BUT you hadn't hit bottom,

Any you hadn't seen your soul.

Not until maddness crashed a mirrored reflection

Of what you thought you needed,

Of what you thought your value was.

Yet you saw wonderful things in me.

Isn't it funny how we both wanted so much

   For the other back then?

I didn't know my value either,

Not until I held two wires in front of an outlet,

Stood sopping wet in one inch of water--

Ready to ram the wire in to end my life,

Reaching that crossroad.

Where I crossed that bridge

From total self destruction,

To feel the rising of my spirit intercede.

I can only liken it,

To being stranded in the mountains,

Where everything is wet,

Nothing will burn,

No way of melting snow to stay hydrated.

There is only one thing to do.

One has to venture out onto the ice of a lake,

And swing an axe into the ice.

With one edge of the axe, I may sink.

With the other, life sustaining water seeps to the surface.

The ice appears thin,

But the human spirit is thicker than what most people think.

I have grown ten thousand feet,

I have found wisdom in ten thousand years,

When I met myself at my own graveside,

Where the only thing that has echoed,

Beyond any Grand Canyon walls,

Beyond the span of this universe,

Is that my inate being

Has a larger, stronger will to live,

Than a will to die.

You have come to this crossroad,

And I have just come to hear what you have said.

No, I don't want anything to live FOR,


Author's Notes/Comments: 

My friend, Evelyn B., told me of her story.  How she sat and got high one night, and watched her friend go into convulsions, and die.  Evelyn was so pumped up on the drugs she sat paralyzed in the substance and could not move to help her friend.  She saw her own death looming.  She visited her own grave.  I did not seek this grave, it just happened, and IN IT, I have found all the difference in the world.  YES I HAVE ME TO FINISH.

View teaguelchesed's Full Portfolio