Author Information
RESOLUTION AS A CASINO GAME
Folder:
EVELYN & HER FAMILY I prayed...so earnestly...
I prayed for clarity,
for resolution,
for discernment,
for stability within myself.
Neither in manic moods or depressed ones:
No one needs to make, LIFE ALTERING DECISIONS.
I had been approached by a man...
It didn't matter to him that I was lesbian.
However, I needed prayer to figure things out.
Life would be easier in a straight relationship.
He was a good and gentle man--
Not like the rest...not at all.
God knew that,
I knew that,
And I thought that was all that MATTERED.
But I didn't know if "I COULD GO THERE".
I decided, it may not have mattered to him, but it did to me.
He is a man, who enjoyed looking at women...
I am not typical, and I didn't need a relationship where
I felt constantly "compared",
TO THE BIMBO BARBIE'S OF THE WORLD.
Yes, my lesbianism mattered to me,
It meant free, self-sufficient, independant,
WITH MY SELF ESTEEM INTACT.
I have had an ex-wife,
A lady with whom I have recently parted with,
A woman I loved with all my heart.
I have prayed so hard for resolution to come,
So we did not have to look at one another in bitterness.
But then an old abusive partner re-entered my life...
This time, clean and sober.
I got resolution in this relationship,
However, at a strangely high cost.
I thought resolution wasn't supposed to hurt so.
I thought we could remain friends.
I thought that she did love me...
In her own sick way, that time ago.
Still further into the chasm of "wierd",
Years ago...I prayed...
My car had blown it's motor,
And I was in dier need of a car...anything,
Even if it was "Baby poop blue".
God revealed HIS sense of humor, and that is the color I got.
I could not gripe, He had provided a vehicle...
With no expense to me.
With earnest prayers for resolution,
for clarity,
for discernment,
for stability...
I found resolution at a cost...stakes I couldn't handle,
So maybe with the ex-wife I have, I won't ask for it...
To let go, and let God.
I found discernment with that young man,
And maybe, in times of vulnerability,
I entertain what is easier, but resolve myself to adhere to
WHAT IS TRUE.
Through discernment, I have found clarity,
That uncommon notion by which brings stability.
To see things as they are, not as I am or want.
And in this end all,
God has reminded me,
That in His time,
All things will come...all things heal...all things happen--
Even at great pains,
Everything has a time and place, every detail necessary,
FOR HIS GREATER GOOD.
