I feel like a blind man in the darkness,

Not able to feel the warmth of the sun on my face.

It is the same feeling I get when I walk in a tropical climate…ALONE…

Like a soldier “on guard” in Vietnam…

Who cannot see the enemy,

But knows he is there,

Somewhere, Camouflaged.

I cannot see you,

The woman I fell in love with,

Through the smoke screens you left behind…

And I cannot find the truth even if I try to cut through the mustard.

You moved in my life,

Weaving destruction in and out of my mind…

One cannot hear fish swim,

From above the water…

You were like that,

Graceful, beautiful, deadly.

You’re boasting, gloating, filled your ego up…

Like a big puffer fish.

And even now, as I KNOW you are gone…

In “Good riddance”, I say,

But like the blind man,

I keep tripping over you…over and over you, again and again.

My brain,

Attacked by your destructive force,

As you lived,

Your sickness forged,

Gaping holes and tunnels in my mind…then you swam through….

And the remnants of you are still there…

Where this blind man cannot see what is in the shadows.

But feels the puffer fish, hiding in the habitat she has carved out for herself.

I heard screaming,

But not the slam of a door.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I know that my relationship with my ex is over, however, my PTSD, the "blind man" still lives in fear.  He fears what he cannot see, and when the furniture gets re-arranged in his apartment (my mind) and he wasn't there to know about it--he trips and trips over it.  My ex moved my furniture, and even when I think after it's all back in order, I wonder if she still has the key to my apartment.  Or is hiding in a closet somewhere.  Even though I am not blind, and by all means, I could "see" her "coming"...the havoc and chaos she created is still a mess I'm cleaning up.

Just when will the PTSD go away?

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