LOOSING MY POWER

Colloquialisms,

Expressions,

Slang and Jargon,

A million words…

Yet nothing expresses that heinous overwrought feeling I got…



When you came at me,

With your arms wide open,

Hugging me in “Christian love”,

(Or at least that is what I expected,)

Then…you joyfully sang those words from your heart…into my ear.

My body sinking…



My heart imploded,

Like a submarine under the heftiness of the ocean…

Feeling the weight of the water cave my defenses in.

How can something so rich and genuine hurt so much.



Three words…

Three tiny words…that

    Can be tossed around like Kleenex,

    Used and abused,

    Spoken without any real feeling,

    Hidden from ourselves but obvious to those around me…

    And words I have never fully given without private guard…

         Because I knew I was about to say them…to take the sting out.

    

JUST SO I COULD STILL STAND.



You said them,

I, that wrinkled mass of iron,

Shriveled like a raisin…

For that moment of empty hollowness…

When all I can do is FEEL,

Because I didn’t have the guards at the wall of my defenses…



REINFORCING, MY CONTROL.



And I lost composure in that sinking,

Annihilated…swallowing water in gallons of tears…inside.

And yet, slowly, those words buoyed  me up…



Eventually, maybe, this mass of scrap iron inside,

Will expand and float into a mighty vessel.

Where I can retire this ship, from being combative.

Where it will be okay to just loose composure…

FEEL IT…



And let that feeling not threaten me so…



When you simply say…



“I LOVE YOU.

And you CANNOT, and will NEVER STOP ME.”








Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is dedicated to my small group of church friends who are teaching me that Christian love has no limits...in spite of the fact that we are all sinners and are not worthy of God--He has decided that we are worthy of  HIS LOVE, as He has decided so by the death of HIS son.  That if His son must die, to prove to us that not only we are loved, but wanted, needed and desired...then we must think of ourselves deserving of Christ.

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