Anorexia

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One

Two

Three

Still not enough

She breaths in and out slowly

Trying to calm the rage inside her head

Hands slide down to her stomach

Better

She look at the hollow where a stomach ought to be

Yes much better

The rage gets louder again

Whats wrong with you! Your so weak, oh so very weak!

She resumes the ritual

Wraps the index finger and thumb around the left wrist and then the right

Good the fingers overlap some more than they did last night

Every little bit counts

She stands up and raises her arms

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

She counts again

Good

She swells with pride

She looks at her reflection and moves from her ribs to her hips

Admiring how her hips stick out

But then she sees it

Her breasts

Bad, huge in the way breasts

Skinny girls don't have DD's she tells herself

She starts to cry

No, no I have to be strong

She lays back down in bed and turns out the lamp

The ritual resumes as she does sit-ups in bed until she collapes into a dreamless sleep

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is about a battle i fought for many years.

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Brittany Davis's picture

wow this poem nearly made me cry, i want to thank you for writting it. i can really relate to it because i too have had problems with anorexia. thank you so much for writting it, it helps me to realize im not going through this alone, go read some of my poetry if you wish, i just strted so there's not much but i think you might enjoy them.

Kris Grula's picture

stunning even in your pain...which is a crime against beauty itself to see you suffer.. and i feel greedy and ashamed for enjoying this..thank you again for sharing your heart, your pain, and your beautiful soul