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I had a realisation today ... I'm just a quiter ... a failor ... when ever things got too hard I just picked up my toys and quit, it didn't matter if I would have succeeded or won, if it got the tinest bit hard I would leave. I've realised this now and I've accepted it. I had a job that paid 13 dollars an hour, but it was a challenge so I left, I could of had a car by now, but it's too much work to get to a dealer and buy one ... so I spend the money on food and eat myself away. I'm in the same exact situation as last year ... and the year before that, and the year before that ... every year for the last four years it's been the same. Maybe it's time I just stop ... stop kidding myself, stop kidding everyone around me ... maybe it's time to just show my true colors and to hell with what ever else, yup quit again ... just run and hide, a scared lil rat escaping from a sinking ship that has yet to even leave port and is still sea worthy ... I give up on everything that might make me happy, my writings, my art, my muisic ... maybe i'm scared of being happy ... well I don't blame myself ... I don't deserve to be happy, not with what I've done in the past ... I don't deserve to be anything at all.