Wounds (ch1&2)

Each day I return, knowing what I'll find here. I return to see you and imagine what we had. I know it can never be now and still I return, forever to reopen the wounds that so deeply cut my armour. I have thought of drastic things, things that would change forever. A way to make the dream real... I would if I thought it would bring me to you, there is so much history here. I got too close, I didn't trust, or did I. A hard pain enters my chest, how lucky she is. I see you two together, I know how you two are. I remember us each day and the wound grows deeper still. And yet I come back here and talk with you, knowing it can never be and understanding it shall always be a dream, no more than I am real are we real any more. I long to go back to before we knew, back to what we had, back to who we were. I long for what I had and all that I had lost. I must be strong now and push aside my heart once more, I do not have my life any more, perhaps my life was never mine to start. The tower built on sandstone so strong and tall, crumbles at the slightest blow. All the armour had been stripped away, for ever will I remember love, and the pain it wrot on me ... A muerto... a muerto... a muerto ... I would welcome thee...


Ode to the truth and you shall be free. I shall never truely be free. Lies and half truth, no more real than a dream, some dream that goes on for life. Something that can never be known, something that I shall never tell ... more so than what I have, more so than what I shall. Woe is ME.. woe is me... Forever shall I be indiferent to the world, is that worse than death. I can not die... too much is at stake if I do. I have not the corage to live, I have not the corage to die, I shall go on with this lie that so few know the truth to. Forever shall I be trapped, forever shall I be confined... do not pity me, I have no need of it, I pity myself more than the world, save your pity for those who recieve none and need it. I shall go on with this shurade that is life like nothing is wrong, like I have in the past and like I will in the future, cold eyes... cold eyes...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

yet another series of rants, sort of a dark love gone bad.

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