Author Information
Downfall
Hushed whispers with excited overtones;
muffled rattling emanates from exchanging hands.
The clinking grows in volume, then is sucked away into silence--
a swift upward motion, my head jerks back in synchronization;
hazy eyes gaze upon both empty palm and orange bottle,
the familiar bitter taste coursing down my throat towards eager stomach.
Blissful apathetic euphoria blossoms outward from my core--
a contented sigh, a smile begins to form--
the day is primed for undertaking.
Trembling hands shuffle the varied cabinet inventory,
finally clasping a glass handle, fumbling with the plastic cap.
The familiar scent of ethanol fills the air,
accompanied by the calming swish of the sweet nectar--
the cap is discarded as I raise the bottle to my lips,
my throat anticipating the soothing scorching to come.
A hearty belch of approval echoes my contentment,
while bloodshot eyes fill with despair at the emptying container.
Out the door to procure more; two hours until the cycle repeats.
A small flame extinguishes, returning the bathroom to a dim state;
my pupils adjust as the plunger retracts, drawing up the brown liquid.
The dull needle spurts, hitting the mirror as the air evacuates--
my fingers flicks the syringe for certainty
as I yank the leash tied around my arm to reveal pulsing highways.
A wince as I hit my mark, immediately sinking the plunger;
my chest explodes with warmth and my head swims--
my eyes glaze and droop, empty syringe falling into view,
soon clattering on the floor as darkness descends------
--a gasp of air, sharp and shocking to my lungs.
I look around (dazed, bleeding, crying), grasping for some bearing.
A crushing loneliness comes rushing in,
my spirit filling with an emotional dark matter;
more tears fall as the empty weight settles,
my brain racing between fear and confusion.
How did I get here? Who peers back from the cracked mirror?
I smear a towel with blood, and weep into my shaky hands--
Dear God, where are you now?
