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I keep finding myself reaching

For dreams I know I'll never have

Living with the scars

Born from a shattered past



Sometimes I can still feel the flow of blood

Almost if I still did

The same way they found me

When I was just a kid



I've found through time that alcohol and drugs

Will never seal away the pain

And it seems my last resort

Was an option left in vain



So many tears cried over so many years

And still I feel like none of this is real

Or so the voices keep telling me

And I believe them still



They've called it everything from trauma

To some disease they probably made up

There's nothing wrong with me

Because I still feel the blood



I can see it all unfold in my mind

As if it only happened yesterday

One life in one day

And an eternity in pain



Sometimes I really think

That I've been dead since I was a child

And it's my hate

That seems to keep me alive



I know it's hard for others not to judge

When they know the things I've done

But how could anyone

Expect me not to become



What I see in the mirror

I feel ashamed and always burst in tears

I realize I'm a product

Of my own inner fears



I want to feel the power coursing through me

Like the heaven's rain

I want to know

That the future won't be the same



The lines of reality blur

And just before the light they seem to dim

Now I can't see the difference

Between me and my pseudonym