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Collapse of a Family
I am little closet crazy
its at an inconvenience
I get attached because I lost so many people I was close with
I wont ink my body of names of the ones who past
The list is to big It might just take up my whole back.
I would rather forget than try to remember everything I lost
Its too much to add up. Its a little stressful knowing you have been used abused
ratted out, framed and falsely accused. I already died once for my sins
yet these miss fortunes keep adding up. I am torn apart by two families.
forgetting that I am able to be apart of both. found out my brothers birthday yesterday
I never called. claimed I was too busy. Mothers marriage is separated.
I am out of the loop I cant fix everything I just wish I knew.
who will catch my brother when he falls into addiction like I do
to forget about a soiled childhood and lack of parenting
I cant be there to correct him when he makes the same mistakes I made
I am a bad person for leaving for myself. I forgot I was a leader of a family.
I held it together soon as I left it all fell apart. They are all looking at me
how could I leave and be so distant when everyone is suffering
I am too wrapped up in relationships that have just began to start.
than try keeping and eye on the ones that been engraved in my heart
I am caving into my hands as I learn the news of my brothers recent runaway attempt
hes only 11 what was so bad that made him try to escape
hes autistic so he takes words and arguments to heart.
I wasn't there to back him up when it fell apart
I am a failure as a brother a family destroyer
I still have not visited the ones on the death bed
I am convinced if I forget them it will be easier to leave
the notice of eviction has led me to collapse under pressure
no way to contact the ones I have been avoiding forever.
Ill pack my bags drop out of school leave again on short notice
if that is what it takes to put things back into place.
everything out of my grasp is in flames
I really cant do anything at this point
then sit back and clutch my fists
as I watch everything I once knew burn.
