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Fear is always near 

Fear builds internal smoke and tears

Struggling to build in me something new

Unable to repair my spoiling world view

This ravaging ruin spreads

From this ruin I’ve fled

I run, but it’s already ahead

This fear is always near

Never wanted to try to live in long gone memories

But the present is cold too much to the touch it seems

This fear wants to extinguish my motivation to dream

It does irreparable damage and then flees the scene

Fear is always near

This fear becoming more severe

Falling apart heart buried in the ground

This invisible fright is never out of my sight

It doesn’t make a sound, but it’s always around

Hunts me in the day and invades me at night

Fear is always here

Fear strangles all I hold dear

Falling apart heart no longer open

Half whole soul a hateful melted molten

Much to my dismay I decay every day

Here everything disappears and I stay

Life stops and I’m covered with cinders and dust

Life stops and my gears are slowing with rust

I use this toxin to keep it at bay

I use this poison and myself starts to go away 

Much to my dismay I decay every day

I hide to withdraw from atrocious mankind

I withdraw to be lost in the basement of my mind

I don’t need to change

Why?

I don’t need to rearrange

A lie?

I fought and gave my best try

Did I?

I’d rather be lost in the lonely trees than be in this pathetic society

I’d rather boil in my destructive anger than cry on my knees

Lost again in the dark in the trees

Down again on these scarred knees

Fear is always near

I don’t hear a sound

Yet I know it’s around

Invisible but not out of sight

At my side all day and night

Try hard to drown it but it just takes a short lived nap

I know how this goes and I feel like I’m about to snap

Sober eyes open and the anger begins to burn

Sober eyes open I find once again it has returned

I don’t need to change

A self told lie

Have yet to give my best try

Surreal magic filled the world as a child

A world now so mundane and defiled

Caught in havoc’s throes

Fear, my insurmountable woe

Fear, my invincible foe

Sober eyes open and now these terrors are even stronger

Sober eyes open and I don’t want this disgust any longer

Scared of loved one’s deaths more than my own

Scared of the merciless facts I’ve been shown

Scared of the living cadaver I’m becoming

Scared of this guilty routine of self numbing

Of living in the moment I often feel deprived

Scared of no longer truly valuing being alive

Fear is never not near 

Fear builds internal smoke and tears

Falling apart heart suffocating in the ground

This fright eclipsing inside me all that is bright

It doesn’t make a sound, but it’s always around

Hunts me in the day and invades me at night

Fear is always here

Holding hostage all that I hold dear

I feel it breathing on me endlessly

I know it will always be ahead of me

In the best times it still surrounds

Constantly feeling its bleak breath

Telling me of certain doom and death

In the best times it still surrounds

This callous shadow

It’s around

By Adam Keith McElwain

Copyright Adam Keith McElwain Poetry