IN THE DARK

Cold and lonely spirit dwelling

Make me shiver... Shake with fear

Don't engulf me with you're blackness

as the daylight disappears

I beg you now to hold no grudges

Stop my eyes from growing dim

Keep my heart from beating faster

Pray to God I have no sin

Shadows fade in the dark... Run away try to hide... Cast you're spells in the dark... send them to the other side.

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SSmoothie's picture

Not bad!

theres a lack of flow in the meaning a linkin word perhaps missing in here:

"Don't engulf me with you're blackness

Make the daylight disappear"

these two lines contradict each other "dont make me sit in the dark" one line and "go on make it dark" in the next line or do you mean perhaps:

"Don't engulf me with your blackness 'as you'

Make the daylight disappear"

just an observation :) some great lines in here! Good work :) Cheers SS


Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's love, but not as we know it."

3beagles's picture

Thank you

This a very old poem of mine and in all these years I have never noticed that contrast... Thank you for pointing it out to me... You are absolutly right... Perhaps if I changed the word " make " to " as "... What do you think

SSmoothie's picture

yes! i think that would

Work very well :) cheers ss


Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's love, but not as we know it."