Longing, Hole. Soul, Cold

Longing

Hole

Soul

Cold.

A man, many men, hurt, moved on.

Crayoned patterns left burnt on my heart.

Dissaray and I pray that I'll stop lusting and feeling lonely.

Wishing I didn't need strong arms to hold me.

I need God, I need to be saved, but I've been dipped in the rush of another guys trap, caught up in his promises to do right.

I am leftovers, last night's curried shrimp and white rice.

How could he be a liar, when he seems so nice?

Lately his smooth dark skin has been touched by my imagination.

Lately my mind has placed his lips on my most tender parts.

But I don't want him to capture my heart.

Fear.

And the rational side is saying "Cherie you have a right to be scared."

Why is he getting me so excited?

Why do I respect him so much?

Why am I so infatuated with the thought of his presence?

The feeling I used to feel when Craig would shock me, by his cheating.

I never want to experience that feeling again, of loving someone and giving them your all, and having them knowing that and still break your heart.

And I feel I could fall head over heals for this guy.

But the smiles he gives me now could turn into brokenhearted cries.

I don't want to hurt and I don't want to fight, but he's the only one I like.

I don't want to someday wish I could go back in time to make a desicion I should make now.

Longing.

Soul!

Hole!

Cold!

God, tests, failing, spite.

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