Crowded by Torture

I’m not ready to socialize and be part of the crowd.  

They all seem to be having fun and I do not want to have to put up a facade.

I’d rather be alone, thinking here by myself.  

Not having to deal with all of the merriment

while all the while feeling like I am just sitting there torturing myself.  

Living out the day just trying to get by,

wondering when it is going to be over.  

When can I leave this horror I got myself into,

the smiling happy person that I not really am.  

Feeling dumb while having to look like life is perfect and nothing is wrong.

I do not want to put myself through that again.  

Instead I just sit here pretending it is not happening.  

Shutting out the laughter and the happiness I hear.  

Wanting to find comfort but not knowing where.

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