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If I looked like her
If I looked like where I’ve been
My feet would be bent, deformed, corned
from a bumpy start and a crooked walk
If I looked like where I’d had been
If I looked like what I’d seen
My eyes would be two sockets
Thirsty like too deep empty wells
Where tears drain no longer rained
It was late evening
Car horns and traffic lights
Collided light and sound
Declaring, “this is Friday!”
and all Cast off the week
Looking for a grand end
I walked through a short dark alley
to get to the other side. It was dirty.
I was meeting a friend
I walked by her sitting in a heap
The familiarity in the tone of her groan
Made me peak
So I gave a quick glance speak
The bone structure was familiar
Though bad times and harsh weather
left her
Worn, thinner, and weaker
My mind began to wonder
Why this broke down, rock star, Barbie
Stirred up curious thunder with no light in
Her
She tried to stand
But she wore hunchback brand
no posture
no grace
She wore shame like a second skin
Accepting it as if that was high fashion
Who are you? I asked.
Do I know you?
She looked at me through sunken, drunken eyes
said
‘I’m your woulda, coulda, shoulda been”
Excuse me I don’t understand . . . we’ve never met.
we look nothing alike . . . really
I mumbled . . . You’re a crazy lady . . .
I tried to walk away
Cough, cough, I see you doubt me, miss
She said as she tried to straighten her clutter of mess
No my dear, this could have, should have, been you . . .
She whined on as her wino aroma
Almost- knocked –me- out.
She had me mistaken for another, no doubt
Her tattered threads reflected Years locusts had eaten
Scabs showed Times where past abuse had beaten-down
Canker worms sure did have their treat
Once again I turned, tried to retreat
But she presumptuously raised her raspy voice to speak
She told her headline story, my tale, tucked away in her book of mystery turning tongue twisted pages
It was so confusing. Because every line, wrinkle and frown in her face confirmed her banter so real . . .
If I looked like where I’d been this would seal the deal.
But I stood there, a walking, talking, LIVING contradiction to these facts.
She continued to relay as she backtracked my past rickety, railroaded tracks . . .
She knew the facts, but missed the truth
This Bag lady
A needy hag,
No swag, only sag,
She sang on… her sad sorrow song . . . of how
street dogs wagged their tails
Their empty howls never failed
To woo her to dark houses laden with sin
Like a piñata they pin her . . . again and again
Leaving her void
Losing cherry candies again and again
Blowing out candles
Left her in a deserted midnight hour
They left her sour.
She was a mirror
If I looked like her . . .
If I looked like what id been through
Sunken eyes seen too much pain,
Now black holes
Hiding from the rain
no soul, sold out too cheap
smelling foul, Bob, Joe and john crows came to reap
what was left
If I looked like her . . .
If I looked like where id been
Strung out, wrung out, no clout,
Drinking strong stout
A black skinned drum beaten with no mouth
A shell of, a shadow of . . . a woman
Who never discovered who she was . . .
If I looked like where I’ve been.
I’d be a for sure dike hitch hike
On the back of perversions motor bike
A man hater,
A family segregator
If I became where I used to be
If the seeds grew as the winds of time blew
To prove their roots to be true
Bearing bitter fruit, the main course of a wayward life
If I looked like where id been
I would have hung aloof
At the end of a noose
I wanted to run from realities knife
She continued to slice
A slice of my pie in the sky that had fallen
On her head
Her slashed wrists scars declared she would rather be-dead
If I looked like her
If I looked like where id been
I looked closer at her two foretelling black coals
She was angry, bitter, abusive, hateful
A full time taker and ungrateful
Ravenous and vengeful
With blazing fury . . . . a woman scorned
Eyes full with putrid envy
because her belly was so empty
If I looked like her . .
If I looked like where I’d been.
Through the looking glass from the past
So much has changed
The image is not the same
There are missing wounds
Some have practically vanished
Some tell tale scars like badges still remain
But I stood there in that reflection
And declared, I AM NO LONGER THE SAME
I shattered that mirror for it was no longer me
Yes there are some fading traces of messes and murky debris
NOW…
Looking into the perfect law of liberty
I saw grace all over my face
I saw mercy that persevered my life
I saw the blood of Jesus that washed away all my strife
I no longer looked like where I shoulda, coulda, woulda been.
I no longer looked like the Enemies plot lot scene.
I did not look like her . . .
She, my shoulda been
tried to speak once again . . .
Shhh!
Mam all possibilities and facts you have reviewed may be true . . .
I definitely woulda, coulda, shoulda been you.
But there came an interceptor, a game changer
A word like a fierce twister
A definition re-arranger
He was a lone ranger
who came across eternity, just for me
He defied my disparaging history and gave it validity
He gave purpose- and meaning- to all that was my shame
He called me righteous and changed my name
Redirecting my destiny to an expected end
He is my Lord my and savior and my best friend
It was an insurrection of merciful, sacrificial love
A topsy turvy of what should have been
You have stated facts, but you missed the truth
The way and the life . . .
My life is no longer the same
For I have embraced life.
He is Lord of my future present and beginning
I am Anointed appointed converted,
no longer distorted
Long skirts did not behave me
Self righteus ness could not save me
Oh but through Jesus!
I am Justified
Blood bought and verified
By his spirit edified
Years of canker dewormed and retaken
I look fifteen years younger no MAC or Maybelline can fake it
It’s the beauty of salvation
My strength and youth have been renewed like the eagles
I am mounting up on renewed wings
My soul sings
A song of the redeemed
I look like where I’m going
I am reaping what I didn’t even sow in
Eating what I never planted
Dwelling in what I never built
He knows the plans he has for me
He relayed the foundation of my history
Entwining his purpose in every line
Every time I stepped out of line
His sovereignty realigned me.
I look like Him
I will be shall be what he has designed
If I woulda- coulda-shoulda is redefined
____________
“You think you are better than me?” She asked gruff
in offense and disgust.
Actually, yes I am. I know I am.
Because He made me better.
You are an accusing voice of my past
You are an abusive presence which won’t last
I bind you in the name of Jesus and cast –you out
I am in Christ Jesus so condemnation is not my bout
I am a daughter of Zion
A virtuous woman
I heard a wind blow through that dark alley
And saw a light begin to illuminate
She was gone, she was vanished
Her mess and debris blown away
I confronted my past coulda, woulda, shoulda been that late day
And came out a new woman
I walked out of that alley freer than I walked in
I was meeting a friend.
If I looked like where I’d been
It was late evening
Car horns blared
traffic lights blinked
street corners stanched
Night walkers inched away
Declaring, “this is Friday!”
as all Cast off the week
garbed for the weekend retreat
Looking for a grand rebound beat
I walked through a short dark alley
to get to the other side.
It was dirty.
I was meeting a friend
The street squatter snuggled into blight
Her filthy camouflage kept her out of sight
Until the still shadow moved oh so slight
I paused, held my breath, till time was right
Stealthily I walked by her sitting in a heap
The familiarity in the tone of her groan
Made me peak
So I gave a quick glance speak
The bone structure was familiar
Though bad times and harsh weather
left her
Worn, thinner, weaker
My mind began to wonder
Why this broke down, rock star, Barbie
Stirred up curious thunder with no light in
Her
Who are you? I asked.
Do I know you?
She looked at me through sunken, drunken eyes
said
‘I’m your woulda, coulda, shoulda been”
Excuse me? I don’t understand . . . we’ve never met.
We look nothing alike . . . really
I mumbled . . . You’re a crazy lady . . .
I tried to walk away
Cough, cough, I see you doubt me, miss
She said as she tried to straighten her clutter of mess
No my dear, this could have, should have, been you . . .
She whined on as her wino aroma
Almost- knocked –me- out.
She had me mistaken for another, no doubt
Her tattered threads reflected Years locusts had eaten
Scabs showed Times where past abuse had beaten-down
Canker worms sure did have their treat
Once again I turned, tried to retreat
But again she presumptuously raised her raspy voice to speak
She told her headline story, my tale, tucked away in her book of mystery turning tongue twisted pages
It was so confusing. Because every line, wrinkle and frown in her face confirmed her banter so real . . .
If I looked like where I’d been this would seal the deal.
But I stood there, a walking, talking, LIVING contradiction to these facts.
She continued to relay as she backtracked my past rickety, railroaded tracks . . .
She knew the facts, but missed the truth
This Bag lady
A needy hag,
No swag, only sag,
She sang on… her sad sorrow song . . . of how
street dogs wagged their tails
Their empty howls never failed
To woo her to dark houses laden with sin
Like a piñata they pin her . . . again and again
Leaving her void
Losing cherry candies again and again
Blowing out candles
Left her in a deserted midnight hour
They left her sour.
She was a mirror
If I looked like her . . .
If I looked like what id been through
Sunken eyes seen too much pain,
Now black holes
Hiding from the rain
no soul, sold out too cheap
smelling foul, Bob, Joe and john crows came to reap
what was left
If I looked like her . . .
If I looked like where id been
Strung out, wrung out, no clout,
Drinking strong stout
A black skinned drum beaten with no mouth
A shell of, a shadow of . . . a woman
Who never discovered who she was . . .
If I looked like where I’ve been.
I’d be a for sure dike hitch hike
On the back of perversions motor bike
A man hater,
A family segregator
If I became where I used to be
If the seeds grew as the winds of time blew
To prove their roots to be true
Bearing bitter fruit, the main course of a wayward life
If I looked like where id been
I would have hung aloof
At the end of a noose
I wanted to run from realities knife
She viciously continued to slice
A slice of my pie in the sky that had fallen
On her head
Her slashed wrists scars declared she would rather be-dead
If I looked like her
If I looked like where id been
I looked closer at her two foretelling black coals
She was angry, bitter, abusive, hateful
A full time taker and ungrateful
Ravenous and vengeful
With blazing fury . . . . a woman scorned
Eyes filled with putrid envy
because her belly was so empty
If I looked like her . .
If I looked like where I’d been.
Through the looking glass from the past
So much has changed
The image is not the same
There are missing wounds
Some have practically vanished
Some tell tale scars like badges still remain
But I stood there in that reflection
And declared, I AM NO LONGER THE SAME
I shattered that mirror for it was no longer me
Yes there are some fading traces of messes and murky debris
NOW…
Looking into the perfect law of liberty
I saw grace all over my face
I saw mercy that preserved my life
I saw the blood of Jesus that washed away all my strife
I no longer looked like where I shoulda, coulda, woulda been.
I no longer looked like the Enemies plot lot scene.
I did not look like her . . .
She, my shoulda been
tried to speak once again . . .
Shhh!
Mam all possibilities and facts you have reviewed may be true . . .
I definitely woulda, coulda, shoulda been you.
But there came an interceptor, a game changer
A word like a fierce twister
A definition re-arranger
He was a lone ranger
who came across eternity, just for me
He defied my disparaging history and gave it validity
He gave purpose- and meaning- to all that was my shame
He called me righteous and changed my name
Redirecting my destiny to an expected end
He is my Lord my and savior and my best friend
It was an insurrection of merciful, sacrificial love
A topsy turvy of what should have been
You have stated facts, but you missed the truth
The way and the life . . .
My life is no longer the same
For I have embraced life.
He is Lord of my future present and beginning
I am Anointed appointed converted,
no longer distorted
Long skirts did not behave me
Self righteus ness could not save me
Oh but through Jesus!
I am Justified
Blood bought and verified
By his spirit edified
Years of canker dewormed and retaken
I look fifteen years younger no MAC or Maybelline can fake it
It’s the beauty of salvation
My strength and youth have been renewed like the eagles
I am mounting up on renewed wings
My soul sings
A song of the redeemed
I look like where I’m going
I am reaping what I didn’t even sow in
Eating what I never planted
Dwelling in what I never built
He knows the plans he has for me
He relayed the foundation of my history
Entwining his purpose in every line
Every time I stepped out of line
His sovereignty realigned me.
____________
“You think you are better than me?” She asked gruff
in offense and disgust.
Actually, yes I am. I know I am.
Because He made me better.
You are an accusing voice of my past
You are an abusive presence which won’t last
I bind you in the name of Jesus and cast –you out
I am in Christ Jesus so condemnation is not my bout
I am a daughter of Zion
A virtuous woman
I heard a wind blow through that dark alley
And saw a light begin to illuminate
She was gone, she was vanished
Her mess and debris blown away
I confronted my past coulda, woulda, shoulda been that late day
And came out a new woman
I walked out of that alley freer than I walked in
I was meeting a friend.
If I looked like where I’ve been
My feet would be bent, deformed, corned
from a bumpy start and a crooked walk
If I looked like where I’d had been
If I looked like what I’d seen
My eyes would be two sockets
Thirsty like too deep empty wells
Where tears drain no longer rained
